Okay, guess it is my week to try to find and share a laugh. The aviation maxims toward the end of this list were considered truisms by some when I was flying commercially. 90.gif

The Manual

WISDOM - FROM THE MANUAL

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"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
Infantry Journal
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"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."

U.S. Air Force Manual

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"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons."

- General MacArthur

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"You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me."

- U.S. Marine Corps Gunnery Sgt.

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"Tracers work both ways."

- U.S. Army Ordnance

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"Five second fuses only last three seconds."

- Infantry Journal

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"Any ship can be a minesweeper....Once."

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"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."

- Unknown Marine Recruit

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Clean it, if it's Dirty.

Oil it, if it Squeaks.

But: Don't Mess with it, if it Works!

USAF Electronic Technician

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"If you see a bomb technician running, keep up with him."

USAF - Ammo Troop

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"Yea, Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death , I Shall Fear No Evil.

For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing."

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"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3."

- Paul F. Crickmore ( test pilot )

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A Navigator's Definition of Latitude & Longitude:

Latitude is Where We are Lost, &

Longitude is How Long We've been Lost There!

USAF Navi-guesser

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"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."

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"If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter --

However, it's probably unsafe in any case "

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"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane,

You always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."

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"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?

If a pilot fowls up, the pilot dies;

If ATC fowls up, .... The pilot dies."

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"Airspeed, altitude and brains.

Two out of three are needed to successfully complete the flight."

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"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation.

We never left one up there!"

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"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground

Who is incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."

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"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you."

- Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)

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"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime."

- Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970

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"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."

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"You know that your landing gear is up and locked

When it takes FULL power to taxi to the terminal."

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As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and

tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives; the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot

and asks, "What happened?" The pilot's reply: "I don 't know, I just got here myself!"