A Very Reluctant Spouse

[reeves99]

Originally Posted by Cherie Tampa Bay

Follow your dream. You only have one life to live. My husband is same as your wife and I plan on going it alone. Bought a Casita and not telling him until I have learned to do it all by myself. Named it, The Dash.... that's the line between the two dates they put in your obituary. Live Your Dash !

Love your attitude Cherie! Great philosophy on the dash. So true!


Sent from my iPhone using Fiberglass RV

[honda03842]

Originally Posted by Bill Nolen

After a man retires, many wife's wish their husbands would find a second job and get out of the house!
Bill

I find this thread particularly sad and the quote above as well. It suggests a significant disconnect between a couple, a true lack of understanding between two people.

I have often commented about our retirement, as well I read it in ALf's travels. Retirement has been a wonderful time to grow closer together, not a wedge "to find a separate job" or to travel alone with or without the dog.

As to turning down the opportunity to travel to new places, I never turn down the opportunity for the new. We have a grandson who's taken a six month break from his job to build a clinic in India, I read his blog last night, thrilled by the opportunity to visit INdia through his eyes. I also read a blog of a young woman, a friend of a friend, who's teaching in an Alaskan native American village where she's describing the systemic difficulties of education in these situations. Both of these opportunities are an expansion of my life.

For us our travels are a continued growth, a time of discovery, not a time of repetition. Not the twice a week walk with an old friend, but a daily walk with my best friend as we seek to share the new.

It's strawberry season in FL. Some new friends came over with a Strawberry pie last night and we sat around for hours last night discussing the happy times of our travels, discovering new places to travel, sharing the joys of the road. The other two couples are purely RVing friends, people we've only gotten to know in the last few years, people who have brought new prospective to our lives.

This is never to say we don't love our old friends, but rather that RVing has extended our lives in marvelous ways. I also mean to say I would feel extended by building the clinic in India or teaching in the Native American school. There is more than one way to spark a life.

For Thomas, I'm sorry your dream is not happening. Does you wife have a dream?

In life I find that the most satisfaction comes when satisfying others. In meeting another's need, they meet yours. It's not a game of trickery, but rather a form of coming together.

[Alf S.]

Hi: honda03842... Never had "Strawberry per" but that's ok...I can't eat them anyway!!!
I might just be traveling alone to FL. as my wife is having difficulty getting extended out of country Ins. Dickey ticker come back to haunt!!! She did not do well on her "Stress test". Not sure how that will work out?
Alf S. North shore of Lake Erie

[Jim Bennett]

Originally Posted by Bill Nolen

After a man retires, many wife's wish their husbands would find a second job and get out of the house!

Originally Posted by honda03842

I find this thread particularly sad and the quote above as well. It suggests a significant disconnect between a couple, a true lack of understanding between two people.

Do note that Bill had a couple of these smilies added to his post to indicate a bit of tongue in cheek.

Still, I have to somewhat disagree with this statement of yours, Norm. I have seen this in many a very loving relationship. The wife is used to having her own space while the husband is off at work, and for a while when the husband is constantly around, it takes a period of adjustment.

Actually, I believe it is a very healthy thing for couples to have activities separate from each other, I know we do that a fair bit. It adds to life, not takes away from it. It only makes the time together that much more special.

I actually find it sad when a couple is too dependant on each other. Sure it is sweet, but I see too many couples that aged together (a couple very close to my wife and me), who never really had any separate activities as they aged, and when one passes away, the other spends the rest of their life in a funk they can't, or won't, shake.

That said, I very much look forward to the trailer travels I will have with my wife. But, when back at home, I expect we will still have lots of separate activities.

Every relationship is different, and requires different solutions to make it work out for the best.

[Elly G]

My husband did not share my dream of travel and camping.
To overcome his doubts, I found a small fiberglass trailer that holds its value and is easy to tow and maintain.
I then pitched the idea of fulltiming by telling him it was just for two years. If he hated it, we would sell the trailer and settle in one place. Tried to get him not to feel "trapped" by my dream.
Well, we are 15 months, 25,000 miles in to my dream -- and he is talking about Year Three!
We travel with our 80 lb. Chocolate Lab, too.
Life is short - eat dessert first!

[Timber Wolf]

Originally Posted by honda03842

I find this thread particularly sad and the quote above as well. It suggests a significant disconnect between a couple, a true lack of understanding between two people.

My Mom has a saying, just because somebody is sleeping next to you in bed does not mean you are not alone.

[Chris Z]

FYI
I had a used 16 scamp for 1 year and actually sold for a small profit. Had a 17 Casita for 6 years and lost several hundred dollars when I sold that. Find a good used fiberglass trailer and try it alone. Note that the smaller, the more you will having people coming to see it and meeting people. Luckily my wife is as big a gypsy as I am and we go as much as we can.

[Gerry Kiernan]

There is no point in trying to convince your wife to go camping with you. It sounds as though she has pretty firmly stated her views, and sounds quite set in them. By all means, take your trip. If you do not go you will resent her for holding you back.
Some people just don't take to camping, and never will.

[topgun2]

Poem "What Is A Dash?" by Unknown
=============================


I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning...to the end.


He noted that first came her date of birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years. (1934 - 1998)


For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth...
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.


For it matters not, how much we own;
The cars...the house...the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.


So think about this long and hard...
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.


If we could just slow down enough
To consider what's true and real,
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.


And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we've never loved before.


If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile..
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.


So, when your eulogy's being read
With your life's actions to rehash...
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?

[David L. C.]

I vote for you to find the little trailer of your dreams, then ask the wife along for a few short trips local. You may find she will be wanting to travel once she see's how fun it is trailer camping. My wife and I only trailer camp 4-5 days at a time but she loves going, once we did a ten day trip to Seattle without a hitch to visit the kids. She loved that trip too.

[Alf S.]

Hi: All... After we bought our first fiberglass trailer, my Niece said "I didn't know Aunt M A liked camping". I replied..."She doesn't"!!! We had a laugh... but 9 years and 3 trailers later she wouldn't have it any other way.
Alf S. North shore of Lake Erie

[honda03842]

Originally Posted by Alf S.

Hi: honda03842... Never had "Strawberry per" but that's ok...I can't eat them anyway!!!
I might just be traveling alone to FL. as my wife is having difficulty getting extended out of country Ins. Dickey ticker come back to haunt!!! She did not do well on her "Stress test". Not sure how that will work out?
Alf S. North shore of Lake Erie

Sorry to read about your out of 'the country insurance' problems. We have two month out of the country insurance as part of our Medicare program.

We have many Canadian friends and I know that getting out of the country insurance can be expensive for Canadians as they age even when they are well.

A Canadian couple had a beautiful Airstream who came each year to our Escapee park for 6 months. When they turned 80 out of the Province Insurance was ridiculous, many thousands each. They stopped coming.

Do you need to get out of your 'home' Province insurance as well to travel thru Canada?

Hope things work out for your wife and you,

Norm

[Kai in Seattle]

Encourage you to go on by yourself. (Yes, maybe see if she'll go look at the little trailers with you--they can be so darn cute...)


Years ago, Paul wanted a "Get-Away-Van" and I didn't...but after he got it, I couldn't resist messing about with the Little House in the Driveway...finally we camped with it for 2 1/2 years. Went some super places.


We can both see both sides--Paul said, "Go ahead and go, enjoy it as much as you can. You'll have lots of new things to talk about when you're back together."


Best to you both!

[Alf S.]

Originally Posted by honda03842

Sorry to read about your out of 'the country insurance' problems. We have two month out of the country insurance as part of our Medicare program.

We have many Canadian friends and I know that getting out of the country insurance can be expensive for Canadians as they age even when they are well.

A Canadian couple had a beautiful Airstream who came each year to our Escapee park for 6 months. When they turned 80 out of the Province Insurance was ridiculous, many thousands each. They stopped coming.

Do you need to get out of your 'home' Province insurance as well to travel thru Canada?

Hope things work out for your wife and you,

Norm

Hi: honda03842... Yes we must carry "Out of Province" coverage also. What our OHIP will cover would not buy us a broom closet in a US. Hospital, or totally pay the bill in another Province either.
Recent tests have revealed my wife's heart murmur has become a clatter in old age!!!
I'm usually the one in question... not her!!!
Alf S. North shore of Lake Erie

[honda03842]

Originally Posted by Jim Bennett

Do note that Bill had a couple of these smilies added to his post to indicate a bit of tongue in cheek.

Still, I have to somewhat disagree with this statement of yours, Norm. I have seen this in many a very loving relationship. The wife is used to having her own space while the husband is off at work, and for a while when the husband is constantly around, it takes a period of adjustment.

Actually, I believe it is a very healthy thing for couples to have activities separate from each other, I know we do that a fair bit. It adds to life, not takes away from it. It only makes the time together that much more special.

I actually find it sad when a couple is too dependant on each other. Sure it is sweet, but I see too many couples that aged together (a couple very close to my wife and me), who never really had any separate activities as they aged, and when one passes away, the other spends the rest of their life in a funk they can't, or won't, shake.

That said, I very much look forward to the trailer travels I will have with my wife. But, when back at home, I expect we will still have lots of separate activities.

Every relationship is different, and requires different solutions to make it work out for the best.

Alf and Tim.

There's no doubt that every relationship is different. Mine is very different.

I was feeling that if Ginny said to me that she wanted to give a month to "anything" that as her partner I would be happy to support and help her.

If you ask your partner to share a month vacation in a trailer, I feel a wife or husband should be compliant and be willing to invest a month trying something new. Part of a relationship is pleasing your partner.

Every relationship requires a measure of flexibility.

I hope I didn't suggest that every action needs to be a together action.

Sleeping beside someone and still sleeping alone sounds like a King sized bed.

Last night during our strawberry binge we were teased about our porch day bed. When we bought our place here it came with a twin bed. We slept in it for a few weeks eventually purchasing a Queen bed. We had company coming and wanted them to be happy.

We moved the twin onto the porch and Ginny and I sleep on it whenever we have a house full. Last week Ginny's sisters were here and we slept on the twin.

Last night the comment was "Can you imagine Ginny and Norm on this bed?", (a little narrower than the Scamp's bed). As usual I state that I always look forward to the twin, sort of like a baby looks forward to its mothers chest.

Life should be wonderful, as in full of wonder.

[honda03842]

Originally Posted by Alf S.

Hi: honda03842... Yes we must carry "Out of Province" coverage also. What our OHIP will cover would not buy us a broom closet in a US. Hospital, or totally pay the bill in another Province either.
Recent tests have revealed my wife's heart murmur has become a clatter in old age!!!
I'm usually the one in question... not her!!!
Alf S. North shore of Lake Erie

So really there is not national medical insurance in Canada.

Is the Province to Province Insurance as expensive as the out of the country insurance?

When my Canadian friends have become ill in the USA they stabilize them and pretty much hustle them on to a plane and treat them in Canada. Reasonable solution I guess.

By the way thanks for your answers, most of us 'southern Canadians' don't know your laws.

[Jim Bennett]

Originally Posted by honda03842

If you ask your partner to share a month vacation in a trailer, I feel a wife or husband should be compliant and be willing to invest a month trying something new. Part of a relationship is pleasing your partner.

For sure, at least they should give it a go if the other one is really keen to try. Maybe not a month at first, but give it a try. One often looks at things like camping for its potential shortcomings, and does not see the joys that it can bring beyond that.

When we first met, my wife had done very little backcountry camping, hiking, canoeing, skiing and the like. As I had pretty much lived out there for a few years, she realized if she was to spend time with me, she would have to give it a go. She ended up being very good at doing it, and began to love it nearly as much as me. Though, I still do lots of trips without here, as she is good with staying home, and playing air guitar in her underwear (of whatever it is she really does).

[polskasila]

That tale has a ring close to home! My wife also has a million excuses why not to take a trip anywhere, that I can accept, and say fine. Also, she makes no issue to prevent me from doing what makes me happy. I just purchased a Scamp 13’ trailer and am excited to have it delivered the first of March. I have frequently invited my wife to join me on my proposed trips she said maybe and I will let it go at that.
I am an avid metal detectorist, photographer and nature enthusiast. I have also travelled to a few places outside the country to detect without my wife with no issues. I am 73, full of life and happily married. Your responsible for making yourself happy, nobody else is!!!

[Jerrymcs]

All the replies above are great! I travel for a month w/o wife, then she flies out and meets me. It's $600 well spent. We spend the remainder of summer together. It is better when we are together, but my 4 weeks allows me to work out kinks and dry camp where she might not choose. Additionally she knows I will fly her home if that were necessary which it hasn't been. One other thing we do is spend a week in a nice hotel or lodge. This is not necessary for me but she seems to appreciate it. We also have friends that we spend part of time with. Every summer our time together increases!

[Roger C H]

My step-mother was like that when my dad wanted to travel, "What do you want to do with the dog, kill it?"
In her last years she apologized for her attitude.