A Very Reluctant Spouse - Page 5 - Fiberglass RV

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Old 12-13-2015, 11:15 PM   #57
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Name: Shelly
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My husband doesn't love camping. I leave him at home. If you don't go you will become resentful (rightly so) just as she would be if you forced her to go with her. Call home every night to check in with her and enjoy your adventures. Take the dog with you.

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Old 12-13-2015, 11:45 PM   #58
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After reading a couple pages of this thread I thought what am I reading this for
They're both adults, I'm sure they can figure it out without anyone else's imput

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Old 12-14-2015, 12:32 AM   #59
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Nobody has to read the thread, but the OP was asking for guidance.
What happens to the hole when the cheese is gone?
- Bertolt Brecht
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Old 12-14-2015, 02:22 AM   #60
Name: Thomas
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Originally Posted by Glenn Baglo View Post
And you could include a knitting convention or similar in your camping itinerary.

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Wow Glen- Thank you ! That's a great idea...she could not/would not pass that up. I figure if we get some 2-4 day trips in, she will come around. She's a terrific gal and that bit of stubbornness will wane, in time. My initial thought for this whole idea of travel was to come up with a way for her to see the west. With our own trailer we can evade bed bug motels and still take the dog.

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Old 12-14-2015, 04:01 AM   #61
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Oh Tom u missed the most important state!

Originally Posted by OhTom View Post
About 35 years ago, after a divorce, I was able to wrangle a 6 month leave of absence from work. I needed to get away, to clear my head, gain a new focus, whatever you want to call it. I bought a used pick up truck and a used slide-in camper for the bed (nothing special). I'd spent most of my life in Ohio. I wanted to see the west. Just me and my dog, a shepherd mutt that was all smarts and sweetness. It was a wonderful adventure (stretched to 7 1/2 months) touring Colorado, Nevada, California, Arizona,Wy, the Dakotas and Wisconsin. Within 2 years I am married again and it has been a loving, happy marriage ever since.

So, I retired 3 years ago. That trip out west has given me many happy memories. I wanted my wife to experience the west, since she's only been a few places, and never to the western states. I told her about a month ago that I had an idea for us to travel out west. The first thing she said was, "I'm not going anywhere without the dog". Followed by "The hotels we can stay at with a dog are often filthy and loaded with bedbugs". I agreed with both her statements and said a travel trailer would solve our problems. We could do a couple month long trips in the spring and fall so the dog would be more comfortable. She was very quiet for a day...mulling it over.

And then the objections started...."you could have a heart attack and she would be left with something she would be afraid to drive". "What if she got sick again (she was in hospital twice last year and had some abdominal surgery for adhesions-still getting occasional bouts of nausea). And finally the big one..."I have my knitting classes and my girlfriends here, I walk with my best friend Melanie 2 nights a week , my tv shows, my grand children, my life is here, not in some campground".

I countered with, "I will drive out west with the dog and you can fly out to meet us in Denver or Phoenix". That was followed by a stoney silence and "I am not going, that's final, you are welcome to go by yourself".

I am fairly unhappy with her response, but she is her own person and I respect that. But, looking for the right RV makes me happy. I'm sorry she won't be going, life is better when she is with me. But at 63, I'm taking the time and making the journey...there's plenty I still haven't seen. I just wish I could change her mind, but that won't happen.
Yep I think the dog is more important but it is also nice to have someone else to talk to and a dog if young enough will hike all the places you would.
The one state u missed is UTAH, there are so many places and things to do in Utah, but all the others were just as good.
Utah has Moab, Bryce Canyon, Dead Horse Canyon, Zion (which in my eyes was the best of the lot. Seeing Bryce from the bottom on the back of a horse is the only way to see, looking down from the top is better if there is a light snow fall as it really stands out, There are a lot of other places to see to but right now at this time of the morning I cannot remember them.
I now have Diabetes and I'm slowing losing the feeling in my feet but tonight they are hurting after doing two nights of Operation Red Nose.
Not fun doing back to back nights driving but I think where the money is going as it is for the kids of your future.
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Old 12-14-2015, 05:20 AM   #62
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For many people, it won't be not wanting to travel or see places but the fear of leaving their secure little nest. I would not try to encourage the wife anymore but just get the trailer and start making shorter trips alone. I get the feeling that she is the type of person that wants things to be her idea if she is going to participate in them. Let her maybe be intrigued enough to start to hint that she would like to come along and at that time, you casually ask if she wouldn't like to come along.
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Old 12-14-2015, 07:00 AM   #63
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A Very Reluctant Spouse

Originally Posted by Tom Cantrell View Post
I would just like to second the advice already given that you should go camping with your dog. Keep the invitation active for your wife to come along but enjoy the gift that she has given you........and let her know that you appreciate it.
Good perspective, Tom. Doing something you enjoy apart from your spouse is a gift, not a right.
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Old 12-14-2015, 08:04 AM   #64
Name: Tom and Stephanie
Trailer: Casita 17' Freedom Deluxe
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Perhaps her strong aversion to camping is really a fear of something else, e.g. bugs, spiders, snakes or ????? Just a thought.
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Old 12-14-2015, 08:17 AM   #65
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Gee. Enough of the psychoanalysis. Some people are homebodies are are more comfortable staying at home. If she doesn't want to go RVing and prefers to continue her routine so be it. Why try to make her change?

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Old 12-14-2015, 09:15 AM   #66
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British Columbia
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Re- Poor buggers,

Originally Posted by CPW View Post
Gee. Enough of the psychoanalysis. Some people are homebodies are are more comfortable staying at home. If she doesn't want to go RVing and prefers to continue her routine so be it. Why try to make her change?

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: I guess I'm the lucky person here as my wife is chomping at the bit for next spring when we head to Alaska, maybe more to see the Yukon first then Alaska. We both enjoy our outings and wish we now had a dog to keep us company all the 12 months of the year not just when were travelling. There is so much to see and do on these outings, I find real nice shirt material, my wife makes me one of kind shirts when we get home, all I know is the majority if they have the same shirt as me then it is because they saw it on me first.
There is so much more than sitting around a Camp Ground by seeing different places, people, things to do.
Plus my wife loves driving our short Class A she thinks she is in a Nascar Race. She handles it just as well as our driving as the Suzuki X-90.
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Old 12-14-2015, 09:22 AM   #67
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Name: Ray
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On page 68 of the book "Instant Influence", by Michael Pantalon, there
is a description of a situation that seems nearly identical to what you
have described .... a husband who wanted to camp and a reluctant wife.
You can probably find that book in your local public library and you
might find it to be a worthwhile read?

In that book, Michael says that people do things or make changes for
their own internal reasons. Without being seriously manipulative, the
goal of "instant influence" is simply to help people find their own reasons
for doing something or making some change.

Some things to consider ....

1) If possible keep initial trips and destinations short .. like a weekend.

2) Go to a destination with activities that she will really enjoy outside of
the camping experience (i.e. craft/knitting festivals, flower/tulip/culture
festivals (Pella, Ia), music festivals (Bluegrass or other), theme parks
(Walt Disney World, Silver Dollar City), etc.

3) Offer to do all of the cooking/cleaning for the entire camping weekend
(or more) and to take her out to a very nice restaurant near the camping
destination (or when you get home?). Pamper her during the camping trip!

4) Choose a high quality campground (Good Sam or other) with water,
electricity, clean restrooms, hot showers, game/gathering/TV rooms,

5) Show sincere appreciation for her willingness to even try the camping

I do understand some of your wife's feelings.

When my wife first suggested camping, the mental picture that came
to my mind was primitive camping in a tent. (Not too appealing!) When
I realized that I could plug in the coffee pot while still laying in my pop-up
camper bunk, my perspectives changed. My wife suggested that we
really needed some time with our kids that was away from the distractions
of TV, telephone, job demands, etc. ..... I agreed.

Now near the end of our first year of retirement, we recently took a trip
out west to see the sequoia/redwood trees (one of my wife's long time
wishes). We anticipated that we would be gone for 6+ weeks. However,
on that and other trips, we found out that we both get a little anxious to
be back home after about 4 weeks. We miss grandkid activities, church
activities, friends around home, familiar surroundings (grocery stores,
barber shops, favorite restaurants, etc.)

Maybe later we will be more comfortable with longer outings. For now,
we enjoy shorter multi-week travels with no requirement to get back
home at any particular time.

During our travel out west, we encountered one campground that had
some cute/retro camping trailers that you could rent onsite. That could
mean no scary financial commitment to trailer purchase and no initial
concerns about towing/backing etc. Just a thought .....

I hope these ideas will help a little and be interesting "food for thought".

Best of luck to you!

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Old 12-14-2015, 09:37 AM   #68
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rdickens...Everything you said. Carl
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Old 12-14-2015, 10:04 AM   #69
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Name: Steve
Trailer: Scamp 13
Posts: 1,035
Your 63 time to go. If the wife doesn't want to go that's fine. Put your stuff in storage and leave her behind. Separate your financials before you go. She's a bucket of excuses with no solutions.

Obviously your not #1 to her so buy her a new rocker because that's as far as she wants to travel. You go buy the trailer of your dreams as you may have to live in it the rest of your life. So what' your not getting any younger, if not now then when?

If you die of a heart attack she's worried about driving the truck and trailer home. Not worried about you. She has serious bouts with health and doesn't want to experience more out of life before she's gone so be it. her choice.

Have a nice trip at least the dog is #1 make sure to take him with you.

I'd rather die in the ditch on the side of the road than in some nursing home.
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Old 12-14-2015, 11:20 AM   #70
Name: Tom and Stephanie
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So far the dog seems to be coming out okay!

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