A Very Reluctant Spouse

[OhTom]

About 35 years ago, after a divorce, I was able to wrangle a 6 month leave of absence from work. I needed to get away, to clear my head, gain a new focus, whatever you want to call it. I bought a used pick up truck and a used slide-in camper for the bed (nothing special). I'd spent most of my life in Ohio. I wanted to see the west. Just me and my dog, a shepherd mutt that was all smarts and sweetness. It was a wonderful adventure (stretched to 7 1/2 months) touring Colorado, Nevada, California, Arizona,Wy, the Dakotas and Wisconsin. Within 2 years I am married again and it has been a loving, happy marriage ever since.

So, I retired 3 years ago. That trip out west has given me many happy memories. I wanted my wife to experience the west, since she's only been a few places, and never to the western states. I told her about a month ago that I had an idea for us to travel out west. The first thing she said was, "I'm not going anywhere without the dog". Followed by "The hotels we can stay at with a dog are often filthy and loaded with bedbugs". I agreed with both her statements and said a travel trailer would solve our problems. We could do a couple month long trips in the spring and fall so the dog would be more comfortable. She was very quiet for a day...mulling it over.

And then the objections started...."you could have a heart attack and she would be left with something she would be afraid to drive". "What if she got sick again (she was in hospital twice last year and had some abdominal surgery for adhesions-still getting occasional bouts of nausea). And finally the big one..."I have my knitting classes and my girlfriends here, I walk with my best friend Melanie 2 nights a week , my tv shows, my grand children, my life is here, not in some campground".

I countered with, "I will drive out west with the dog and you can fly out to meet us in Denver or Phoenix". That was followed by a stoney silence and "I am not going, that's final, you are welcome to go by yourself".

I am fairly unhappy with her response, but she is her own person and I respect that. But, looking for the right RV makes me happy. I'm sorry she won't be going, life is better when she is with me. But at 63, I'm taking the time and making the journey...there's plenty I still haven't seen. I just wish I could change her mind, but that won't happen.

[reeves99]

Hi Thomas
There are a surprising number of travellers whose spouses remain at home. And yes, at 63 you should make hay while the sun shines! If you want companionship check out the WINs. They welcome married but travelling solo folks.
I'm pretty much in the same boat. It's not such a bad boat to be in.
Take care, and happy travels.
Remember: Not all those who wander are lost.


Sent from my iPhone using Fiberglass RV

[Jack L]

You are not the only one in this situation. Get out there and have fun while you can.

[neparker]

For one example of independent spouse travel for months at a time, look at kimbopolo.blogspot.com. Check "inside the good deal bus" and look at her older posts.

[EugeneFlorida]

Me to. for six year now.. I'm 66 and getting a 13 ft Scamp in March.

[Gilda]

Different strokes for different folks. I am totally impartial as I live in California, but I love the West and also love the East and the Midwest. I also love Canada, Mexico, NZ, Europe and basically, anywhere I travel, with or without the camper trailer! I'm grateful my husband loves to travel as well.

That said, there's much to be said for having "all the comforts of home". I, too, encourage you to take that trip(s). Enjoy, stay in touch with your wife and enjoy your return home. We all only have limited time to create memories.

One question...who will get the dog while you are on your trip?

[honda03842]

Originally Posted by OhTom

And then the objections started...."you could have a heart attack and she would be left with something she would be afraid to drive". "What if she got sick again (she was in hospital twice last year and had some abdominal surgery for adhesions-still getting occasional bouts of nausea). And finally the big one..."I have my knitting classes and my girlfriends here, I walk with my best friend Melanie 2 nights a week , my tv shows, my grand children, my life is here, not in some campground".

This may not help you but it may help someone else.

We have SkyMed, a travel insurance. Ginny was nervous about a serious Medical problem in "Nowhere, Labrador or Alaska".

Should Ginny or I become ill and need transportation they will helicopter us to a medical facility, when stable they will fly us both home in a medically equipped plane, and will drive our rig home.

[Alf S.]

Hi: OhTom... We have a bumper sticker on our trailer that says "I go where I'm towed to". Some day I'll get around to teaching my wife how to tow it!!!
Alf S. North shore of Lake Erie

[Tom Trostel]

Rather than long distance travel, what about short and close to home trips. A few nights at Put-In-Bay, the Amish Country, the Air Force Museum, or Hocking Hills State Park and then back home. If that works, then spread out some more. Make sure she has everything in the trailer that makes her comfortable. If that doesn't work, travel alone.

[mary and bob]

Originally Posted by honda03842

This may not help you but it may help someone else.

We have SkyMed, a travel insurance. Ginny was nervous about a serious Medical problem in "Nowhere, Labrador or Alaska".

Should Ginny or I become ill and need transportation they will helicopter us to a medical facility, when stable they will fly us both home in a medically equipped plane, and will drive our rig home.

Good Sam has a similar type insurance called Travel Assist. Will fly you home, transport your vehicle and camper home, plus some other related benefits

[CASITA BANANA]

I regret every camping day missed because somebody else didn't want to go. I prefer my lifestyle now: single with no pets. A year of cancer treatment has taught me to try and live each day like it's my last. And I want my last day to be outdoors!

Like Woody Allen said, "I'm not afraid of dying; I just don't ant to be there when it happens."

[Cathi]

Thomas, if you are getting a fiberglass trailer, wait until she sees the trailer. She might become more interested. Flying out to meet you somewhere for a couple of weeks is a good idea, too. Once she sees better what you are doing, she might actually like a short trip. If she prefers to stay home from a long trip, it does not need to keep you home.

By the way, there are thousands of people on the road full time and they deal with medical and everything because they live on the road. You might see about Escapees and get some of their literature.

[Jim Bennett]

Thomas, my wife likes trailer travel. Do you want to take her?

Kidding aside, I am glad to have her along. Our relationship while camping is always stronger than when at home. I think it is because we leave all our worries behind.

But, if I was in your shoes, and had her permission to go, I would certainly do just that.

[Cathi]

Originally Posted by honda03842

This is a difficult thread. I can't imagine it at all.

I can understand that his wife is set in her ways. However I can't imagine not wanting to go on a month long adventure to some place I haven't been.

It's all amazing to me.

Maybe he means a couple of month-long trips to get the dog (and them) used to the situation --- or maybe not. His big trip years ago was 7 1/2 months. That is apparently far too long for her. Or maybe she figures he would just stretch out the month to much longer.

On the other hand, if he goes by himself, she will be home to take care of things there. And could go meet him out west for a short time if she has any interest in that by the time he is out there.

Yes, it is amazing to me as a traveler that someone does not want to see new places. I have met such people though.

[OhTom]

Thank you all for you responses and helpful suggestions.

To answer your question about the dog-where she goes, he goes. We both worked hard at making him a great dog that loves people. Never hit, he responds so well and truth is- I really think that ruins a dog's personality. I would like to get myself another dog but this one is her turn, we only have one dog at a time.

I agree with the idea of making short trips with her and she may just find that she really likes it. Who knows- the short trips may well cure me of my urge to hit the open road?

That was a great suggestion about the medical coverage. That will be a definate thing to do.

I have not found "my" trailer yet. But I did call my insurance agent to get an idea of costs and was told that they insure NO trailers. So I will have to start checking that out also. I have been with them for almost 40 years, but I think it's time to find a new company...for everything -house, cars and trailers. It kind of surprised me, that he said that, if it was me and I was the agent, I would work a little harder at keeping my customers from looking and pricing other companies, whenever I could ? But maybe that's just "old school".

[Cathi]

Depending on how much money you put into the trailer, you might want a company that does a lot of trailer insurance. We have an agent for our trailer who is not our agent for our other insurance because car and house insurance agents often know nothing about trailer coverage. Our trailer agent does business in the town of a big RV company so he knows that business and deals in it regularly.

There is fulltimers insurance from some companies and depending on how many months you are out there, you may need it.

Some companies to check: Good Sam, National Interstate, Foremost, Allied and there are others who do a good business in RVs.

[Bill Nolen]

Originally Posted by OhTom

.....I countered with, "I will drive out west with the dog and you can fly out to meet us in Denver or Phoenix". That was followed by a stoney silence and "I am not going, that's final, you are welcome to go by yourself".

Maybe the wife is giving her permission for you to travel...but, her statement could be saying..."Go and your stuff will be in the front yard when you return!

But, it is just as likely she would be very happy to have the house all to her and the dog! After a man retires, many wife's wish their husbands would find a second job and get out of the house!

Bill

[Cherie Tampa Bay]

Follow your dream. You only have one life to live. My husband is same as your wife and I plan on going it alone. Bought a Casita and not telling him until I have learned to do it all by myself. Named it, The Dash.... that's the line between the two dates they put in your obituary. Live Your Dash !

[Glenn Baglo]

Originally Posted by Cathi

Yes, it is amazing to me as a traveler that someone does not want to see new places. I have met such people though.

I don't know. Depends on the circumstances. I turned down two out-of-town trips for the newspaper. One was Sweden for some hockey story and the other was Hong Kong for a business story.
Wasn't interested in spending long hours in airports and hotels and I wasn't interested in the stories.
Who was going to cut my lawn while I was away?

[Cathi]

Originally Posted by Glenn Baglo

I don't know. Depends on the circumstances. I turned down two out-of-town trips for the newspaper. One was Sweden for some hockey story and the other was Hong Kong for a business story.
Wasn't interested in spending long hours in airports and hotels and I wasn't interested in the stories.
Who was going to cut my lawn while I was away?

I have to go see! Been to Sweden and Hong Kong and glad to have gone to both and much more. It's better to do the long flights and hours traveling when younger. Depends on how much time there is to actually see the place. You probably would not have had any.