Couple Coupling

[honda03842]

This morning Ginny mentioned a friend who is returning to work after retiring a year ago. We know a few couples, all with adequate financial resources, who have returned to work, unable to adapt to retirement, or actually to retire.

On this site, many people hope to successfully travel together and fail or never get off the ground. Often one person has a larger desire for the RV lifestyle. In our case, I was the one who wanted to buy an RV and travel, Ginny went along with the idea, partially believing that in 3 years we'd be back to our normal working existence.

In other threads I have often mentioned that for us RVing has been like pre-marriage dating, both people attempting to engage the other, attempting to grow together. We were fortunate that we had a long pre-marriage relationship, 7 years through high school and college. Definitely a long time to know each other and become closer, bringing each other along.

Once married, we have continued to become closer, attempting to involve each other in our dreams. While exploring the RV life I searched the Internet and bought and read books on the topic. Ginny read the books as well, creating the possibility of common ground.

I suppose the fact that we bought an RV, parked it in the yard, and moved in created a common purpose. Then Ginny retired, 2 days before we left, and suddenly it was us facing a new life, almost like being left on a deserted island.

I just asked Ginny her perspective. She said she feels confident that we're always prepared. No matter what happens or where we are she believes I'll be able to resolve it. So glad she has that confidence.

She went on to say that I'm entertaining. I think this is really important. I think we both work to entertain the other. I definitely try to seek information about where ever we are going, in a sense to be a guide, to help develop interest, not unlike early dating.

There was this comedy with a robot named "Five Alive" who scoffed down information. He kept saying "I'm alive". Before we tackled the Trans Labrador highway I read everything I could find about driving that route. We than took a practice run up the Quebec side towards Labrador City to get a feel for the road, building a little information and confidence.

So many that retire have a feeling that their life partner will be underfoot upon retirement, when a more satisfactory result may be to consider how to recreate a shared life.

This post is driven by the recognition that we have friends who retire, hoping for good times, but not recognizing that 40 years their lives have often been separate in focus and time.

I have no expectation that everyone or anyone can be successful long term RVers.

[rgrugg]

My wife and I were best friends for just a few months short of 50 years when she passed. The couples we are closest to are also each other's best friend. I believe that's the way marriages should be. Of course, I have no knowledge about how many couples are actually that way. The way you write of your adventures makes it pretty clear that you two are best friends. Way to go!

[honda03842]

Bob, It certainly doesn't hurt to be best friends, probably good to be best friends even before marriage.

One concern is how hard it is to move on into retirement, to embrace togetherness and leave separateness behind, to give up a before retirement focus. In good part thinking about friends who are still stuck in work and not for the money.

I never say a word to them about it, everyone must make their choices. What scares me a little is that maybe they are not making a choice, sort of like always voting for the same political party.

[james kent]

It seems that people with hobbies and interests outside of their main source of income adapt to retirement better than those that solely immerse themselves in their work. They have nowhere else to go.


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[steve dunham]

I really enjoyed my job / trade and did not want to give it up. But after 40 +years of being an electrician and 30 years of being a Teamster working on the docks ,my knees and shoulders were shot (bone on bone) I could not do my job at the level required so I retired .My wife and I never took vacations when I was working 70 hours a week so now we are doing a lot of catchup. After 44 years of marriage ,my wife and I are getting to really know each other . Our little fiberglass egg has allowed us to finally see the country and enjoy each other's company. I often miss working in my trade but luckily the feeling passes quickly

[Donna D.]

I think it's about people who define themselves by the way they earn a living? Once that's gone, they feel like they've lost something... in truth, they've gained something! To be who they were meant to be, not defined by some institution or company title. But yeah, if you don't have hobbies or interests outside of the day-to-day job once that's gone.... On the flip side are those folks that are so busy in retirement (either having fun or filling their days with "interests") they don't know when they ever had time to work.... I wanna be one of THOSE people