Remedial Marriage Manual

[Cyndi B.]

Subject:
A Remedial Marriage Manual

Life's Demerit System

All married men will attest to some real wisdom in this email...

In the world of romance, one single rule applies:

MAKE THE WOMAN HAPPY!

Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a non-exhaustive guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed. (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillows. (-10)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-3)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)
But return with Jack Daniels. (-5)

PROTECTIVE DUTIES
You check out a suspicious noise at night. (+1)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing. (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is something. (+5)
You pummel it with an iron rod. (+10)
It's her pet Schnauzer. (-20)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side for the entire party. (+1)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school friend. (-2)
Named Tina (-10)
Tina is a dancer. (-10)
Tina has breast implants. (-40)

HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner. (+2)
You take her out to dinner, and it's not a sports bar. (+3)
Okay, it's a sports bar. (-2)
And its all-you-can-eat night. (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team. (-10)

A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie. (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes. (+5)
You take her to a movie you hate. (+6)
You take her to a movie you like. (-2)
It's called 'Death Cop.' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans. (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly. (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it. (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts. (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-80)

THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5)
(Yes, you lose points no matter what)
You hesitate in responding. (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
You give any other response. (-20)

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression. (+2)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV. (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep. (-4000)

Send this on to all of the gentlemen you know to refresh them on the point system.

(and to the ladies you know with a good sense of humor!)

[honda03842]

Cyndi B,

Interesting little statement, definitely written with a little humor.

"MAKE THE WOMAN HAPPY!
Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects. "
Marriage is something I've thought about since high school realizing I probably would get married. Always seeking happy people and trying to understand how they secured happiness.


Successful marriages are based upon making each other happy. Points should never be counted and negative moments mostly ignored.

I knew the first part and learned the second from Ginny.
If your partners not smiling try to figure out why and work for a smile.

[Borrego Dave]

Cute Cyndi, but I've always been told no matter how many points a guy makes it always goes back to zero or negative #'s after one oops

[james kent]

It's called the school of hard knocks.
Good if you learn it.
Hard knocks if you don't.


Rule no. 1..... You're always wrong.



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[Jeff in Salinas]

In discussions with my married friend we call these H-points for Husband. Hard to gain and easily lost. Since we are engineer and scientist background we've decided they are based on quantum physics and the mere act of looking at them, acknowledging them, or asking about them instantly evaporates them ;-)

[rbryan]

Originally Posted by Jeff in Salinas

In discussions with my married friend we call these H-points for Husband. Hard to gain and easily lost. Since we are engineer and scientist background we've decided they are based on quantum physics and the mere act of looking at them, acknowledging them, or asking about them instantly evaporates them ;-)

Well then Jeff, there's something I've always wanted to ask a scientist:

If a tree falls in the forest, and there's nobody around to hear it.....ah....nevermind.

[steve dunham]

I learned in a college psychology class that women are unhappy by nature and need a reason to be happy . Men are happy by nature and need a reason to be unhappy . I discredited the theory as sexist in my youth but now that I am older ,with a wife ,4 daughters and 7 granddaughters , I wonder ?

[kirkman]

Rule #1...my wife is always right!
Rule #2...when my wife is wrong I immediately refer back to rule #1 and answer yes dear.




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[C&G in FL]

Originally Posted by kirkman

Rule #1...my wife is always right!
Rule #2...when my wife is wrong I immediately refer back to rule #1 and answer yes dear.




Sent from my iPhone using Fiberglass RV

If you are out in the woods and your wife or no other woman is there to hear you say something or to see you do something, are you still wrong?

[Paul O.]

In a casual conversation like this I tend to utter the words "Vive la difference," and watch the reactions with amusement.

And yes, the OP's manual was one of the better ones around.

[Flyboyscamp]

A sure fired answer to the old question, does this make me look fat. You respond, you have never looked better!

[David Tilston]

Originally Posted by CPW

If you are out in the woods and your wife or no other woman is there to hear you say something or to see you do something, are you still wrong?

That is my favorite sexist joke.

Standard response:
Female: YES!!!, (my wife's, "who let him out by himself?")
Male: heh, heh, heh.

[David Tilston]

Originally Posted by steve dunham

I learned in a college psychology class that women are unhappy by nature and need a reason to be happy . Men are happy by nature and need a reason to be unhappy . I discredited the theory as sexist in my youth but now that I am older ,with a wife ,4 daughters and 7 granddaughters , I wonder ?

The way I say almost the same thing is:
Women have a stockpile of tragedies that they draw upon during conversation. Their discussions seem to be a competition to tell the most tragic story.

Men have a stockpile of triumphs that they draw upon during conversation.

Neither approach is the wrong.

Sexism is just the recognition that there is a difference between the genders. Call me sexist.

[kirkman]

Originally Posted by CPW

If you are out in the woods and your wife or no other woman is there to hear you say something or to see you do something, are you still wrong?

You bet! I'm always wrong. Just ask her.


Sent from my iPhone using Fiberglass RV

[FRED SMAILES]

Originally Posted by steve dunham

I learned in a college psychology class that women are unhappy by nature and need a reason to be happy . Men are happy by nature and need a reason to be unhappy . I discredited the theory as sexist in my youth but now that I am older ,with a wife ,4 daughters and 7 granddaughters , I wonder ?

After 40 plus years of marriage Marilyn is almost as happy as me,,,,,,,,,,,

[honda03842]

I'm hating and loving this thread.

"Women have a stockpile of tragedies that they draw upon during conversation. Their discussions seem to be a competition to tell the most tragic story."

I have never felt this in talking to women, maybe because most women I talk to are Ginny or her family. My immediate RV friends, many heavy travelers or formerly heavy travelers, are all talking about travels and fun.

We had a birthday brunch party with 14 mostly traveling type RV friends today. The discussion was of places, funny road events, jokes and song. Certainly the Mimosas, and Bloody Marys did not hurt.

My first mentor told me if you're not having fun do something else. Life should be about creating good times for self and others and no one's happiness is more important your partner.

[David Tilston]

Norm, I hope I don't come across as being down on women. I love them. I am happily married to one, and I have three daughters. But I stand by my observation. I suspect that it has to do with the caution necessary when raising children. Cautionary tales seem to be popular. I think caution is as valuable as risk.

I also think the gender gap closes as we age. I have noticed that my wife is now more likely to talk triumphs then tragedies. I tend to complain more.

[honda03842]

Dave,

I really believe there's a lot of humor in this thread but some truth as well. Truth can be funny as well.

As I've aged I complain less recognizing I can't do much about anything except myself. I do recognize how good life can be.

I know politicians like to bring up visions of the 'gender gap'. I'm certain it was that way in the past. For today's young people not so much, women are dominating at Universities and in many fields. I look at our granddaughter and she's doing very well as an engineer.

[Ev in Oregon]

Thank you, dear Lord, for allowing me to be happily SINGLE! This way I get to be always right or always wrong with no-one around to point out the difference.