Wow, this & the
Casita groups have blown me away witH all the support, offers, compassion, & suggestions. I've finally realized that Jeff KNEW his liver was failing, that he was dying, & was beyond any cure or fix, that his liver was the source of multiple physical pains & malfunctions. He knew medical attention couldn't help & he would have preferred to just die in the
Casita. So glad he didn't or I probably couldn't return to it. He reminds me of cats who instinctively hide illness & injury & prefer to go hide & die alone. He wanted to keep me from freaking out & getting him help sooner. I miss talking to him, but this summer has not been fun; boring, solumn, frustrating. He started withdrawing from me last winter, preparing me to be without him maybe, or just too consumed with pain.
I'm going to continue traveling full time simply because I don’t see any viable option. I don't want the physical responsibility of property or even the financial drain of an apt if I still travel. Mostly I want the freedom to chase the weather where I can be comfortable outside & change the scenery when I get bored. The
Casita gives me all the security I need along with the freedom. And with cell fons & internet, it's almost hard to really be alone. Jeff weaned me well as I was already doing much more of the outside stuff than before. I'm sure I have some bad times ahead as this all soaks in, but I'm OK letting my friends give me a hand (or ear). Thank you all again. Hope you don't get burned out by my current drama & whinning.