Two Lives

[honda03842]

Ginny and I had a lot of chat time on a long trip to Connecticut, (by the way another 30 plus mpg day for our New Odyssey).

Out of the blue she says, "You know we lead two lives."

We lead our summer life for 4 months, home with family and old friends, doing the regular life things, birthdays, dinners, grass cutting .... neighbor, father, mother, uncle, aunt ... Queen bed, big fridge, our own shower. I suppose a life with others, in at least a partial sense, for others. A really familiar environment and view.

Our second life is our road life, often just the two of us and sometimes a whole different set of friends. On the road we're Norm and Ginny, RVers... in our larger than a twin but smaller than a double bed. Never our shower. Always a new view, often new food and sometimes different ways.

It's nice to come home and embrace family and friends, to touch our past and feel it's warmth. It's also great to get out there and find the new, to occasionally have old views shaken by the previously un-thought of....

[mary and bob]

I thought you wanted to sell your house and give up that part of your life??

[honda03842]

We do want to sell our house. With all this summer's celebration for our 50th and two months worth of house guests we did not get very far on taking much action other than partially clearing the cellar.

Even after we sell the house, we plan to return to the Hampton area and spend a few summer months here, still keeping our old life, at least in part. It's obvious that in a measure that our summer life has slipped away a little.

Our old friend set has reduced, our grandkids are adults, our nieces and nephews are growing and we're spending less time with old friends as they slip away into their own retirement.

In a sense we began in Hampton, getting engaged one evening on the beach some 51 years ago and before that we spent a number of years having fun here, eventually buying a small summer place, gradually turning it into a year round and making it our home after our kids melted into their own lives.

NH has been a happy chapter in our lives. Selling should be easy, there's not much coast in NH, 17 miles and NH's very friendly tax rate compared to all the New England states makes it desirable for business and families. My nephew and his family moved from Maine to NH, a very few miles, and saved at least $5,000 a year; it adds up over a lifetime.

[carlkeigley]

Ginny could write a book "Tale of Two Lives",
but then that would be a third life.

[Mike Magee]

It's no secret, you're living the Walter Mitty lifestyle.

[Steve L.]

I've had similar thoughts for some time as well. I live at least three lives that I can easily identify: 1. Work 2. Personal 3. Family. My roles and behavior are all different for each role. At work I am a fairly confident personality, away from work I'm pretty shy and as a family member I'm the first child of a large-ish family which I think has a role as well, all family positions having a role.

Wife and Mom are at least two lives women can find themselves in. Expecting a lover and finding a mother (or father) complicates establishing relations with a single mom (dad) with kid(s). Only time will reinforce the confidence that a rejection from one role doesn’t mean the whole relationship is doomed.

Wooee, Deep Thoughts!

[honda03842]

Originally Posted by Steve L.

I've had similar thoughts for some time as well. I live at least three lives that I can easily identify: 1. Work 2. Personal 3. Family. My roles and behavior are all different for each role. At work I am a fairly confident personality, away from work I'm pretty shy and as a family member I'm the first child of a large-ish family which I think has a role as well, all family positions having a role.

Wife and Mom are at least two lives women can find themselves in. Expecting a lover and finding a mother (or father) complicates relations with a single mom (dad) with kid(s). Only time will reinforce the confidence that a rejection from one role doesn’t mean the whole relationship is doomed.

Wooee, Deep Thoughts!

Steve, you're right about the different lives in each life, certainly wife and mom is an excellent example. I was thinking a little differently. In our split lives I think there is the RV wife and the home wife.

For example on the road it's the 'girl friend wife'. The 'girl friend wife' is pretty much a single focus person. I loved that dating period of our life where every moment together was raw excitement. Of course we're not quite as raw as we were but that singularity of being together, in a sense very often alone together, there is a special joy.

At home there is more of the 'shared wife'. shared with duties of home, family.... It's amazing the effort required to maintain a home compared to an RV.

Both Ginny and I are first children and now the oldest members of our families, in a measure carrying an extra responsibility. This is more of a task when we're home and always suggests it's time for the road. In our youth we always felt we and our resources could fix anything, we now know we can't fix anything.

After 50 years of marriage, 36 pre-RVing and the last 14 on the road, we now recognize the different life of the road is very special, clearly for us.

[2yax2go]

Norm....I was just thinking about this last just night as the mosquitoes here on the Wisconsin side of the Mississippi Backwater were making yet another withdrawal from the O + bloodbank they have set up on my extremities.

A friend stopped by our campsite in Yellowstone on her way to Jackson, WY last week...it was such a treat. We were FaceBooking last night and she mentioned how much she loved our little "home". She is the first person to recognize that our 16' footer is exactly that to us...a home.

I told her I was considering a bumper sticker that says: "I have a house in the country, but my HOME is on wheels."

As a first child my life has been full of responsibility for others, often demanding much of my free time even as an older adult and can be challenging to be "we". On the road things are much simpler and, like you and Ginny, we have time to just be us and live precisely in the moment.

It has been an enlightening experience for me as well learning to let go and let others be "the adult" for a change. They don't always LIKE it, but they are doing it. It will be interesting to see if I fall back into the old pattern once we get back to SC.

As always, I love what you and Ginny have to say about life on the road as well as life at the house. While, I doubt you ever set out to be a mobile lifestyle guru, you often are exactly that. I appreciate that you freely share your experience and mellow wisdom here.

[honda03842]

Josie and Craig,

It's certainly easy to slip into old ways, when I see those ways coming, it makes me feel more ready to hit the road. The road this year will take us to SC, Charleston in particular, for my 50th college reunion.

Like you we love our Scamp home. Whenever we return to our NH cottage, Ginny displays shock as soon as she steps in the door, dazed by the volume and stuff.

Life is short. It's great to have an alternative life style, it's like leading more lives.

[patrick crawford]

i too live in the "two lives" situation. i'm finding the return to the "big house" to be more and more unsettling as time goes by. after a month or two of living in the little house with everything i need literally within an arm's reach the return to all that space (and stuff) takes a bit of getting used to. i travel and live alone (widower with grown & gone kids) except for winston the wander dog (who seems to adapt quicker than i). then there's that daunting monster maintenance rearing it's ugly head. especially the yard stuff (i can't afford a "yard service"). i'm starting to feel as if i come home to work a couple of months prepping the property so i can take off again (i work slow but i'm cheap). after that first long leisurely shower and visiting with a few good friends i find myself scheming for the next adventure. i'm thinking there's a real estate agent in my future pretty soon.

p@

[honda03842]

Patrick.

I know the unsettling feeling. It didn't happen the first year but it didn't take long. We have let go of many of the old home chores... nature has taken over flower beds.

We're only home for 4 months and literally wish it was less.

A well retired friend mentioned that many of her retired friends seemed to focus on the core items they liked doing best...for some it was fishing, others reading and for us time together on the road.