A Christmas Eating Philosophy - Fiberglass RV


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Old 12-19-2005, 08:37 PM   #1
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Eating Tips:

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table
knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave
immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt
scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You
can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that
it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn
into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for
me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy.
Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed
potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or
whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car
with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your
eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other
people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's.
You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the
time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while
carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted
Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near
them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of
attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them
behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if
you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have
three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory
celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some
standards. (opps, many will disagree with that one---ok, it you like fruitcake, you owe it to yourself to have several slices.)

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or
get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips;
start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.


Have a Very Happy Holiday
Diane
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Old 12-19-2005, 08:55 PM   #2
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Old 12-20-2005, 12:03 AM   #3
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Sheesh, why make it so complicated.

See food, eat food.

Simple. eh?
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Old 12-20-2005, 09:06 AM   #4
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Eat, eat, eat, drink Alka Seltzer, eat, eat, eat......

Cookie-less January is 12 days away!!!
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Old 12-20-2005, 09:09 PM   #5
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Whipped cream rules:

How often do you have real whipped cream? Once a week?
No? (one big spoonful/squirt of the can)

So, once a month?
No? (another)

About every six weeks?
No? ('Nother)

About twice a year?
Yes? (Say when....)
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