A few more thoughts for the day
I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is a cell phone that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. With those darn prices going up all the time, I may not be able to afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they call blue teeth, I think.
You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway for how I smelled.
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!
I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.'
I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age, and call it 'Pumping Rust'.
I've gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!
When people see a cat's litter box, they always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?'
Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company!'
Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write, 'A Good Doctor'!
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me. They were cramming for their finals
As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
On some of our discussions on here we need a sign that states...."Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."
Have you ever taken NyQuil? You know....NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
God must love stupid people; He made so many.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine after watching the TV lately.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
I have a problem ever now and then when I stop to think, and forget to start again.
Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
For these guys with everything just remember that "He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD."
Have you ever thought about breakfast as...Ham and eggs... A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on and I have grown so deft I can't hear half of it.