A neutron walks into a bar... - Fiberglass RV


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Old 11-04-2013, 12:00 PM   #1
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A neutron walks into a bar...

Sits down, orders a beer and asks "How much? "
The bartender says "For you? No charge!"
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Old 11-04-2013, 12:46 PM   #2
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Ha Ha cute! My 5th grader will enjoy this as they are studying such things now.
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Old 11-04-2013, 01:41 PM   #3
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A photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop asks if he can help him with his luggage. The photon replies, "No thanks, I am traveling light".
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Old 11-05-2013, 08:47 AM   #4
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Two atoms were walking down the street.
One stops suddenly and says I think I just lost an electron!
The other one says Are you sure?
The first one says Yes, I'm positive.
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Old 11-05-2013, 10:25 AM   #5
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.

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Old 11-05-2013, 10:50 AM   #6
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oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh Everyone must go to their rooms!
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Old 11-05-2013, 04:50 PM   #7
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An electron is in the corner of the bar, crying over his beer. "It's hopeless," he sobs. "They're all against me."

The bartender strolls over and says, "Why do you have to be so negative?"

A proton at the next table says, "Aw, leave him alone, he'll never change."

"Are you sure about that?" asks the bartender.

"Oh yeah," replies the proton, "I'm positive."
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Old 11-05-2013, 04:58 PM   #8
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Old 11-05-2013, 07:19 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by Gina D. View Post
oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh Everyone must go to their rooms!
Can I at least have my supper on my Periodic Table before I have to go to my room?

You really can't trust atoms. They make up everything!

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Old 11-05-2013, 07:32 PM   #10
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*checks Community Rules to see if I can rightfully ban members for bad jokes*

Okay, I admit, I did smile a little bit while I was groaning.
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Old 11-05-2013, 07:34 PM   #11
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You really can't trust atoms. They make up everything!
You do have to keep an ion them.
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Old 11-05-2013, 07:39 PM   #12
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funny funny tell more!!
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Old 11-05-2013, 08:09 PM   #13
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A little different genre, but I've always chuckled at this story...

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per house hold, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.


Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second -- 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional Reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.


The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional Reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" Reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them -- Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).


600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second crates enormous air resistance -- this would heat up the Reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of Reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the Reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire Reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.


Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.
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Old 11-05-2013, 08:10 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by Pam Garlow View Post
funny funny tell more!!
What fish is made out of only two sodium atoms? 2 Na.

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