DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans
paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of
light . Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh ****!'
SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
RECIP SAW: A foolproof device for finding the exact locations of wires and pipes inside a wall
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of
blood-blisters and for opening bottles.
POWER DRILL: Used for spinning rivets around and around
BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing projects.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
WELDING GLOVES: Used to retain the intense heat from the welding torch against your hand
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for
lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new lower springs , thereby trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
DOUGLAS FIR 2X4 Used to pry/lever up the car so you can get the floor jack back out
TWEEZERS Used to extract the splinters from the broken douglas fir 2X4 from your hand
TELEPHONE: Used to call your buddy to see if you can borrow his hydraulic floor jack so you can get yours back out
BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening
paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
LARGE STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER - a pry bar that inexplicably has a well-machined tip on one end
PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the expensive metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. It is especially valuable at being able to find the EXACT location of the thumb or index finger of the other hand.
UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
SON-OF-A-***** TOOL: (A personal favorite!) Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a *****!' at the top of your lungs.. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
Witworth sockets - most commonly used for a place to hide that old pack of Camels from the prying eyes of someone who would otherwise throw them away for no good reason.
Hope you found this informative.
Casita
Suite Wee Tweet
2000 Casita Liberty Deluxe
Linear Mode
