The Bible Test
The following comes from a Catholic elementary school test about the Old and New Testaments of the Bible. They have not been retouched or corrected; incorrect spelling was left as it is; or so we're told. Imagine a nun sitting at her desk grading the following papers, all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure. Pay particular attention to the wording and spelling. Let's see, is there anything else you need to know before proceeding? Oh, you'll be laughing fairly hard so try not to wet your pants ... I meant by spilling your drink, hehehe!
1. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off.
2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was Joan of Ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears.
3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.
4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.
5. Sampson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
6. Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
7. They Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses whent up to Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.
8. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
9. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
10. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
11. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
12. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.
13. Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
14. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
15. The Epistles were the wives of the Apostles.
16. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marriage.