A guy bought a new refrigerator
for his kitchen. He didn’t want to pay someone to haul the old one away. He put it on his porch with a sign that said, “FREE to a good home. You want, just take it.” For three days it sat and no one so much as gave it a look because it appeared to be too good to be true. He changed the sign to read, “FOR SALE -- $50.” That night, someone “stole” it from his porch.
While looking for a new house my friend asked the realtor which way was north because he didn’t want the sun waking him each morning. The realtor asked, “Does the sun rise in the North?” When my friend explained it rises in the East, she shook her said and said, “Oh, I don’t keep up with that stuff.”
A friend of mine works in a 24/7 computer tech support call center. One day he got a call from someone wanting to know the hours the call center was open. My friend replied, “The number you called is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.” The caller responded, “Is that Eastern or Pacific time?”
While eating lunch in a local bistro, we heard an administrative assistant complaining about the sunburn she had gotten over the weekend driving to a friend’s house. She drove with her convertible top down, but didn’t think she’d get sunburned because the car was moving.
I have a friend with a lifesaving tool in his car that is designed to cut through a seat belt if he gets trapped in an accident. He keeps it in the trunk.
I recently bought beer at a convenience store for a big party. It was discounted 10%. I bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied the 10% discount by 2, and gave me a 20% discount.
I was walking with a friend in a mall when we saw a young person with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, “Wouldn’t the chain rip out each time the person moved their head?” I explained that a person’s nose and ear remain the same distance apart regardless of which way the head is turned.
I couldn’t find my luggage on the carousal the last time I flew. I went to the lost luggage section and told the attendant that my bags never showed up. He smiled and told me not to worry, that he was a trained professional, and I was in good hands. Then he asked, “Now, has your plane arrived yet?”