New RTP Policy - Fiberglass RV

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Old 07-23-2003, 08:07 PM   #1
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New RTP Policy

Everyone is aware of the state of the economy. Employee's are expected to do more with less (budget). My boss actually told me I wasn't doing anything productive between midnight and 6am! So, when I saw this, I had to's a bit long, sorry!

To: All Employees
From: Management

In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective September 1, 2003, a Restroom Trip Policy (RTP) will be established to provide a consistent method of accounting for each employee's restroom time and ensuring equal treatment of all employees.

Under this policy, a "Restroom Trip Bank" will be established for each employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given a Restroom Trip Credit good for 20 visits. Restroom Trip Credits can be accumulated from month to month.

Currently, the entrances to all restrooms are being equipped with Personnel Identification Stations using computer-linked voice-print recognition. During the next week, each employee will be required to furnish two copies of their voice print (one normal and one under stress) to the Building Utilities Task Team (BUTT). The voice-print recognition stations will be operational, but not restrictive for the month of August, so employees should acquaint themselves with the stations during this period of time.

If an employee's Restroom Trip Bank balance reaches zero, the doors will not unlock for that employee's voice until the first of the next month.

In addition, all restroom stalls are being equipped with timed paper roll retractors. If the stall is occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm sounds, the roll of paper in the stall will retract, the toilet will flush, and the stall door will quickly open.

If you have any questions concerning this new policy, please contact your immediate supervisor.

Thank you for your cooperation in this matter and have a nice day.

The Management


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Old 07-24-2003, 06:50 AM   #2
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:u :u

I'd have to keep my legs crossed alot if I worked for that company! ;)


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Old 07-26-2003, 05:21 PM   #3
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Here's a classic that doesn't get old

Here's an accident report from the Workers' Compensation Board.

Dear Sir:

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put "Poor Planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which when weighed later were found to weigh 240 lbs.. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof,swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 240 lbs. of bricks. You will note on the accident reporting form that my weight is 135 lbs..

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly,I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3 of the accident reporting form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley which I mentioned in Paragraph 2 of this correspondence. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground, and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs.. I refer you again to my weight.

As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move and watching the empty barrel six stories above me, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope.

Play Safe

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Old 07-27-2003, 07:18 AM   #4
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ouch three or four times.

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Old 08-14-2003, 08:15 PM   #5
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over the top

I really got a laugh on this one. I just happen to know some real drunken brick layers and these guys could very well do just someting as dumb as this story.

In fact they work cheap and I know someone who got exactly what they paid for. The side of their house looks like ocean waves. The one thing he can say though he got the job done cheap.

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