Old Dogs and Children and Watermelon Wine

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Now that I'm 'older' than igneous rock, here's what I've discovered:

I. started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.

3. I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

4. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...

4. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...

5. All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.

6. If all is not lost, where is it?

7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

8. Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.

9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few...

10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in
the bathroom.

14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to
play chess?

16. It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere.

17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter ..
I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here
after.

19. I am unable to remember if I have mailed this to you or not. I don't
remember being . . . absent minded...

Now I think you're supposed to send this to 5 or 6, maybe 10, oh send it
to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are.

Then something is supposed to happen, I think. Maybe you get your memory
back.

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Oh I hate those e- this to so many and 5,000 dollars will automatically be deposited into your checking account. and my sister is the worst. she must think I have no life so can't go out and find these things by myself. so if her e-mails have a forward sign I just dump them. Okay I feel better now. I mean, I have a life. :u don't I?

IF I had know they were this funny, I would of read them. I've been missing these words of wisdom from you Morgan, thanks.

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>>started out with nothing, and I still have most of it

Lee's got the rest of it, right?

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You know what ... I just remembered to email this thread to Morgan. I'll bet he'd enjoy reading it!

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I love the lines Morgan - good for more than a few chuckles.

Jan - I agree about the forwarding for rewards/luck thing too. That's the worst spam. It grates on me worse than Furnace/Furniture Cleaner telemarketers at suppertime. :o

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Originally posted by Charles Watts

You know what ... I just remembered to email this thread to Morgan. I'll bet he'd enjoy reading it!

I expect you're right. Where is Morgan, anyway?

:jester

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Orginally posted by Mary F

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE

Originally posted by Charles Watts

You know what ... I just remembered to email this thread to Morgan. I'll bet he'd enjoy reading it!

I expect you're right. Where is Morgan, anyway?

:jester[/quote]

I'm right here looking over your shoulder, sweety pie. :flowers

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Oh great - now we have to move this thread over to Recipes.

Way to go Morgan! ;)

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Orginally posted by Rick

Oh great - now we have to move this thread over to Recipes.

Way to go Morgan! ;)

C'mon Rick, the dude who started this thread should have put it in "Recipes." Watermelon Wine, eh. :wine

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What, we have a recipe area?

Please tell me how I can access it ... I have a killer Okra recipe.

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I've been working on a few recipes (with OKRA in mind) that could kill too! :o

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I apologize for having this much fun with y'all.

I hope those who are reading, but aren't chiming in, don't think we've all lost our minds.

It's Friday.

We should be getting ready to go camping.

But we aren't.

So we're having fun.

If only Morgan's original post to this thread hadn't hit so close to home, I'd probably be more serious.

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The Weenie Dog
Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world.
Osama found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and bred them with the meanest Siberian
wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from the litter, and removed his siblings, which gave him all the milk. After 5 years, they came up with the biggest, meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were 5" thick and nobody could get near it. When the day came for the dog fight, Bush showed up with a strange looking animal. It was a 9-foot-long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for Bush because there was no way that this dog could possibly last 10 seconds with the Afghanistani dog. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's cage and slowly waddled over towards Osama's dog. Osama's dog snarled and leaped out of it's cage and charged the American Dachshund--but when it got close enough to bite, the Dachshund opened it's mouth and consumed Osama's dog in one bite. There was nothing left of his dog at all. Osama came up to Bush, shaking his head in disbelief. "We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for 5 years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves."
"That's nothing," said Bush. "We had the best plastic surgeons working for 5 years to make that alligator look like a weenie dog."
GOD BLESS AMERICA!
:lol

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>>I agree about the forwarding for rewards/luck thing too. That's the worst spam. It grates on me worse than Furnace/Furniture Cleaner telemarketers at suppertime.<<

The worst is the forwarded e-mails that are HOAXes - They drive me absolutely crazy!! Just this week (and it's early yet) I've gotten the "touched by an angel" hoax (again), the USPS 9/11 stamp hoax and the French soldiers in Bosnia hoax. There's a web site, snopes.com, that debunks these - there's more out there than you think. Just send me the jokes and the news - deep the hate mongering to yourselves!

thanks for allowing me to rant!