Staying Alert in Meetings

[Donna D.]

Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? What about those long and boring conference calls?

Here's a way to change all of that.

1. Before (or during) your next meeting, seminar, or conference call, prepare yourself by drawing a square. (I find that 5" x 5" is a good size.)

2. Divide the card into columns - five across and five down. That will give you 25 one-inch blocks.

3. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block:

* synergy
* strategic fit
* core competences
* best practice
* bottom line
* revisit
* expeditious
* to tell you the truth (or "the truth is")
* 24/7
* out of the loop
* benchmark
* value-added
* pro-active
* win-win
* think outside the box
* fast track
* result-driven
* empower (or empowerment)
* knowledge base
* at the end of the day
* touch base
* mind-set
* client focus(ed)
* paradigm
* game plan
* leverage

4. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.

5. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout "BULL$%!#!"

= = = = = =
Testimonials from satisfied "Bull$%!#!" players:

"I had been in the meeting for only five minutes when I won." - Adam, Atlanta

"My attention span at meetings has improved dramatically." - David, Florida

"What a gas! Meetings will never be the same for me after my first win." - Dan, New York City

"The atmosphere was tense in the last process meeting as 14 of us waited for the fifth box." - Ben, Denver

"The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed 'BULL$%!#!' for the third time in two hours." - Paul, Cleveland

"When I won and yelled "BULL$%!#!" the woman sleeping next to me slid off her chair!" - Joseph, Los Angeles

[Per Walthinsen]

Donna:

Would you write a "Mission Statement" using some of these items? Then we could duke it out in the court of public opinion and perhaps synthesize a statement that could be truly outrageous.

[Donna D.]

Per, I'm empowering you to do it! Everytime I hear most of these words (for the bazillionth time) in a meeting...I want to hurl.

[Kurt & Ann K.]

Donna,
You've outdone yourself!
I've copied your post to share with friends and relatives who have to suffer through just those kinds of meetings. "Balderdash" might be a little less offensive is some circles, but the effect would be quite similar.
Thanks for brightening my day.
How about that, the banana is moving again! Shucks, it quit before I could hit "Add Reply".

Kurt & Ann K.

[DonInChatt]

I know that none of us want to be here on Friday afternoon at 4:00pm to discuss this and you are wondering why can't this wait until next week. Well, I'll tell you: Synergy! Yes, we must understand the strategic fit of our division's operation into the global vision of our great corporation. Each of us must reexamine our core competencies to insure we are fulfilling the goal of best practices at all levels. Yes, I know you are asking yourselves, "What about the bottom line?" My personal goal is to revisit with each of you at 8:00am Monday morning, in the most expeditious manner I can, your personal goals as they related to profit and sales. To tell you the truth, this division is in my thoughts 24/7, and I know you share my enthusiasm. With the rumors re-organization and down-sizing everyone is hearing, some of you may feel out of the loop. Just remember, that we have created the benchmark for the rest of the company. Your input is the value-added element that makes us so great. We can all be pro-active and convince our clients that buying our product is a win-win for all concerned. Now, you have to think outside the box and fast track our sales goals through the results-driven empowerment techniques we heard about last Friday afternoon from the terrific consultant I brought in (at considerable expense, I must add). At the end of the quarter I know each of you will realize your knowledge base has increased and sales will prove it! At the end of the day, my personal goal for each of you is to be able to touch base regularly with you, so we will begin scheduling weekly afternoon one-on-one sessions. Remember that your mind-set must remain client focused. The paradigm we create will explode the game plan of our competitor, and we will leverage our stengths into real profit! Now, go get 'em!

[Larry&Carrie]

DON...... well spoken and straight to the point.... Larry

[Per Walthinsen]

I agree with Larry: this is the most concise, down-to-earth summary I have seen yet. No nonsense, just the facts.

Obviously, Don, you are the CEO of a major corporation. What I don't understand is why you haven't aimed for a Bigfoot with gold-plated faucets, etc. This kind of ability always comes with a hefty salary, as far as I have observed.

[Donna D.]

Don, now you did it HURL

[DonInChatt]

No CEO here. Many years of self-unemployment, but I have a fertile mind.

[james kent]

Att'sa Niiice!

[Mary F]

Att'sa Niiice!

[Sharon Herman]

Once I called a meeting with my crew....when everyone sat down around the table they found, along with expected stuff, a sheet of paper that had the word whining printed in large letters and a red circle around it with a line through it. They were instructed to crumple it up and throw it at someone if they felt that person was......whining. not only did it really cutail the "whining factor".....when someone finally got the nerve to throw it, it was freekin hilarious!

[Donna D.]

Sharon, now that I LIKE. I'm gonna print up a 100 copies! Between that and BULL$%#! Bingo...meetings MIGHT not be soooo boring.

Four hour conference call coming up on the 15th. I'll let you know how it goes!

[debbyj]

Four hour conference call coming up on the 15th. I'll let you know how it goes!

Donna, you have my deepest sympathy. Kermit and I will be thinking of you on the 15th.

[debbyj]

No CEO here. Many years of self-unemployment, but I have a fertile mind.

Now, what kind of fertilizer are you using?