The Louisiana Three Kick Rule
As a born child of the Mildew State I found this amusing...
A lawyer from the Big City goes to the bayous of Louisiana to hunt ducks. One day he shoots a duck and it falls in a farmer's field. He figures no one will ever see, so he ignores the "No Trespassing" sign and sneaks over the fence to get the duck. But before he can collect it an old Cajun famer rides up on his mule and asks him what he thinks he's doing. He says he's retrieving his duck.
"Well, now," says the farmer. "This is my land and that sign plainly says you may not trespass. I think that is MY duck!"
"Listen, you stupid, ugly, inbred hick" says the lawyer, "I'm a rich and famous trial lawyer from the Big City and if you don't let me have that duck I'll sue you and wind up owning everything you have!"
"Whoa, now young feller," says the Cajun. "We don't go bothering the courts down here over something small like that. We settle it with the Louisiana three kick rule."
"What's that?" asks the lawyer.
"Well, we take turns kicking each other three times. The man what don't give up, wins."
The lawyer thinks the old guy looks pretty feeble and figues he can take him easy. "OK, old timer. You're on. Who gets the first three kicks?"
"I do," says the farmer "'cuz it's my land."
He gets down from his mule and kicks the lawyer right in the...uh...right there. The lawyer folds up on the ground and with his second kick the farmer removes the lawyer's nose and upper lip. The third kick ruins his right kidney. The lawyer struggles to his feet, barely able to move.
"You ready for my turn, you old cretin?" he croaks.
"Oh, no need, " says the farmer. "I give up. You can have the duck."