Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning
submissions to its *yearly neologism contest*, in which readers are
asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
The winners are:
1. *Coffee* (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. *Flabbergasted* (adj.), appalled over how much
weight you have
gained.
3. *Abdicate* (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat
stomach.
4. *Esplanade* (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. *Willy-nilly* (adj.), impotent.
6. *Negligent* (adj.), describes a condition in which you
absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. *Lymph* (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. *Gargoyle* (n.), garlic-flavored mouthwash.
9. *Flatulence* (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after
you are run over by a steam roller.
10. *Balderdash* (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. *Testicle* (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. *Rectitude* (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists.
13. *Pokemon* (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. *Oyster* (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddishisms.
15. *Frisbeetarianism* (n.), The belief that, when you die, your
soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. *Circumvent* (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts
worn by Jewish men.
17. *Arachnoleptic fit* (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take
any word from the dictionary, alter it by *adding, subtracting, or
changing one letter, and supply a new definition*.
Here are this year's winners:
1. *Bozone* (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that
stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer,
unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. *Foreploy* (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the
purpose of getting laid.
3. *Cashtration* (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders
the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
4. *Giraffiti* (n): Vandalism spray-painted very,very high.
5. *Sarchasm* (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit
and the person who doesn't get it.
6. *Inoculatte* (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are
running late.
7. *Hipatitis* (n): Terminal coolness.
8. *Osteopornosis* (n): A degenerate disease. (/This one got
extra credit./)
9. *Karmageddon* (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all
these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes
and it's like, a serious bummer. Know whut I'm sayin'?
10. *Decafalon* (n.): The grueling event of getting through the
day consuming only things that are good for you.
11. *Glibido* (v): All talk and no action.
12. *Dopeler effect* (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem
smarter when they come at you rapidly.
13. *Beelzebug* (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets
into your FGRV at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
14. *Caterpallor* (n.): The color you turn after finding half a
grub in the fruit you're eating.
And the pick of the literature:
15. *Ignoranus* (n): A person who's both stupid and an !@#$%.
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Yea! Easy when you know how! Thanks Girls & Guys! (Although these days, Guys seems to cover all genders).
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