Understanding engineers - Fiberglass RV


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Old 09-23-2002, 10:14 AM   #1
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Understanding engineers

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,"Where did you
get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own
business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the
ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably
wouldn't have fit."
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Old 09-23-2002, 10:16 AM   #2
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Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half
empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
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Old 09-23-2002, 09:51 PM   #3
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A rabbi, priest and engineer were in the oxcart waiting their turn at the gilloutine (sp).

The executioner asked the priest if he would like to be face-up or face-down on the block. He said, "Face up of course -- I want to see my Maker's face when He greets me".

So the priest was positioned face up and he could watch the sharp, bloody blade as it was pulled higher and higher up the wooden groove by a complex arrangement of ropes, pulleys and release levers. The great blade was released and came screeching down the track, only to stop mere millimeters from the priest's throat. Under the existing conventions of the time, the priest was released due to 'Divine Interference'.

Next came the rabbi, who chose face-up for the same reason and had the same result with the blade and was subsequently released.

Finally, it was the engineer's turn. When asked if he wanted to be faceup like the others, he replied, "Two out of two isn't bad odds, I'll take it!". As the great blade, looking even worse now that the older blood had dried, rose in the groove, the engineer used his last few moments on Earth to contemplate the arrangement of pulleys, blocks, lines and levers. Suddenly he cried out, "Hold it! Hold it! I think I see the problem...".
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Old 09-24-2002, 06:00 AM   #4
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Take three

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

"Hi, George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters who lost their sight saving our club house from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he cando for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
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Old 09-24-2002, 06:04 AM   #5
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Take four

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.

Several years later the company contacted him regarding an impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail.

In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge.

He spent a day studying the huge machine. Finally, at the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and said, "This is where your problem is." The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark $1; Knowing where to put it $49,999. It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
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Old 09-24-2002, 07:29 AM   #6
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Morgan

Morgan ... that last joke about $50,000 ... that has the ring of truth to it ...

Since you're a retired engineer, ... sounds like something you'd do to a former employer.
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Old 09-24-2002, 08:27 AM   #7
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Quote:
Orginally posted by Charles Watts

* * * * * * Morgan ... that last joke about $50,000 ... that has the ring of truth to it ... *

Since you're a retired engineer, ... sounds like something you'd do to a former employer.
It is something I did to a customer up in Canada, except it was USD$70,000. :angel
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Old 09-24-2002, 01:16 PM   #8
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Nice

>>70,000

I knew it!

Nice avatar of a hummingbird crashing into a picnic table. Man, talk about talent ... not only can you take a picture like that, you understand how to make it into an avatar!
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Old 09-25-2002, 05:31 AM   #9
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Take Five

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.
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Old 10-01-2002, 10:38 AM   #10
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Engineers

Okay, so I'm late with the input, but I'm runnin' as fast as I can to catch up. Probably won't do that for quite a while, so forgive the late inputs on some of the threads. :cblob
There were some engineering students working at a construction site in order to earn extra money during the summer months. A couple senior students were standing over to the side looking at the blueprints when they noticed a sophomore throwing every second or third nail over his right shoulder. Perplexed, they walked up to him and asked what he was doing.
''Well,'' he replied, ''most of these dern nails have the head on the wrong end, so I'm throwing them out!''
The two seniors were laughing so hard that they fell to the ground in hysterics. Once they composed themselves, got up, and dusted themselves off, the more serious of the two just shook his head and said: [i]''You idiot! Don't throw those nails away, there's nothing wrong with them. You can use them on the other side of the house!'' :o
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Old 10-02-2002, 01:39 AM   #11
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You may be an engineer ...

You may be an engineer ...

If you introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife" or husband as "myman@tv.hubby"
If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner.
If you want an 8X CD-ROM for Christmas.
If Dilbert is your hero.
If you can name six Star Trek episodes.
If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail.
If your wristwatch has more computing power than a 486DX-50.
If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys.
If you use a CAD package to design your child's Pine Wood Derby car.
If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts.
If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string.
If you window-shop at Radio Shack.
If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies.
If you have Dilbert comics displayed anywhere in your work area.
If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run.
If you are convinced you can build a phaser out of your garage-door opener and your camera's flash attachment.
If you don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is.
If you have modified your can opener to be microprocessor-driven.
If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush.
If you have ever taken the back off of your TV just to see what's inside.
If a team of you and your co-workers has set out to modify the antenna of the radio in your work area for better reception.
If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project.
If you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts.
If you have never backed up your hard drive.
If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance.
If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as is."
If you see a good design and still have to change it.
If the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions.
If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind.
If you own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers but you don't remember where they are.
If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.
If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal.
If you have more toys than your kids.
If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name.
If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work.
If your IQ is bigger than your weight.
If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix them.
If you can remember seven computer passwords but not your anniversary.
If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already.
If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for.
If your father sat 2 inches in front of your family's first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal.
If you know how to take the cover off of your computer and what size screw driver to use.
If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting.
If people groan at the party when you pick out the music.
If you did the sound system for your senior prom.
If your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone.
If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
If you thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission controllers.
If you spend more on your home or laptop computer than your car.
If you know what http:// stands for.
If you know C.
If you've ever tried to repair a $5 radio.
If your three-year-old child asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory.
If your four basic food groups are: l. caffeine; 2. fat; 3. sugar; 4.chocolate.
If you can understand sentences with four or more acronyms in them.
If you have automated everything in your house, but none of it meets the National Electrical Code.
If you have ever tried to network your home PC, microwave oven and garage-door opener.
If your spouse keeps tripping over the wire you strung -- temporarily -- three years ago.
If, at a traffic intersection, you try to figure out the synchronization pattern between your car's blinkers or wipers and the others'.
If you can name all the cards in your PC without looking.
If you can cite the latest Intel or Motorola microprocessor generation number such as 80686 or 68060, but can't remember your spouse's birthday.
If you are better with a Karnaugh map than you are with a street map.
If you have at least one historical computer in your closet.
If you take along a printout of the schedule of your family vacation.
If you always have to explain things by drawing it out on paper or a napkin.
If your computer is down, you don't know what date is it today and miss all meetings too.
If you read through this list completely ... and try to convince yourself not to agree with at least one of them.
If you make a hard copy of this list, and post it on your door.
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Old 10-02-2002, 04:50 AM   #12
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Hey! I resemble that...

LOL! Love it.

Nathan
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Old 02-21-2003, 09:38 PM   #13
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There are only two kinds of Engineers...... Civil Engineers and uncivil Engineers.
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Old 02-21-2003, 10:00 PM   #14
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That could be fighten words, John. I did agree with two or eight of those things listed. Course I don't know what kind of engineer that would make me. a self-educated one? :lol
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