A neutron walks into a bar... - Fiberglass RV


Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
 
Old 11-04-2013, 12:00 PM   #1
Member
 
Name: Alan
Trailer: 1977 Scamp 13'
Minnesota
Posts: 51
A neutron walks into a bar...

Sits down, orders a beer and asks "How much? "
The bartender says "For you? No charge!"
__________________

AlanKilian is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2013, 12:46 PM   #2
Senior Member
 
melissab's Avatar
 
Name: melissa
Trailer: 2012 Scamp 13 DLX
Florida
Posts: 1,398
Ha Ha cute! My 5th grader will enjoy this as they are studying such things now.
__________________

__________________
Melissa in Florida
1999 Toyota Sienna XLE
melissab is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2013, 01:41 PM   #3
Senior Member
 
Ice-breaker's Avatar
 
Name: Dave W
Trailer: Escape 19 and Escape 15B
Alberta
Posts: 515
A photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop asks if he can help him with his luggage. The photon replies, "No thanks, I am traveling light".
__________________
Dave W - 2013 Escape 19', 2013 Escape 15B and 2011 Toyota FJ Cruiser

"You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you are going, because you might not get there." - Yogi Berra
Ice-breaker is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2013, 08:47 AM   #4
Member
 
Name: Alan
Trailer: 1977 Scamp 13'
Minnesota
Posts: 51
Two atoms were walking down the street.
One stops suddenly and says I think I just lost an electron!
The other one says Are you sure?
The first one says Yes, I'm positive.
AlanKilian is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2013, 10:25 AM   #5
Senior Member
 
Spanke's Avatar
 
Name: David
Trailer: 1978 Trillium 1300
Cumberland, Indiana
Posts: 392
Registry
Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.

Spanke
__________________
Trilliums Rock!
Spanke is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2013, 10:50 AM   #6
Moderator
 
Gina D.'s Avatar
 
Name: Gina D.
Trailer: '77 Leocraft 17 & Former Burro owner and fan!
West Coast USA
Posts: 9,014
Registry
oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh Everyone must go to their rooms!
Gina D. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2013, 04:50 PM   #7
member
 
Name: Michael
Trailer: Li'l Hauley
Oklahoma
Posts: 5,892
An electron is in the corner of the bar, crying over his beer. "It's hopeless," he sobs. "They're all against me."

The bartender strolls over and says, "Why do you have to be so negative?"

A proton at the next table says, "Aw, leave him alone, he'll never change."

"Are you sure about that?" asks the bartender.

"Oh yeah," replies the proton, "I'm positive."
Mike Magee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2013, 04:58 PM   #8
Senior Member
 
Ice-breaker's Avatar
 
Name: Dave W
Trailer: Escape 19 and Escape 15B
Alberta
Posts: 515
__________________
Dave W - 2013 Escape 19', 2013 Escape 15B and 2011 Toyota FJ Cruiser

"You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you are going, because you might not get there." - Yogi Berra
Ice-breaker is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2013, 07:19 PM   #9
Senior Member
 
Spanke's Avatar
 
Name: David
Trailer: 1978 Trillium 1300
Cumberland, Indiana
Posts: 392
Registry
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gina D. View Post
oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh Everyone must go to their rooms!
Can I at least have my supper on my Periodic Table before I have to go to my room?

You really can't trust atoms. They make up everything!

Spanke
__________________
Trilliums Rock!
Spanke is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2013, 07:32 PM   #10
Moderator
 
Jim Bennett's Avatar
 
Name: Jim
Trailer: 2017 Escape 5.0 TA
Alberta
Posts: 5,745
Registry
*checks Community Rules to see if I can rightfully ban members for bad jokes*

Okay, I admit, I did smile a little bit while I was groaning.
__________________
2017 Escape 5.0 TA
2015 Ford F150 Lariat 3.5L EcoBoost
2009 Escape 19 (previous)
Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. Abraham Lincoln
Jim Bennett is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2013, 07:34 PM   #11
Moderator
 
Jim Bennett's Avatar
 
Name: Jim
Trailer: 2017 Escape 5.0 TA
Alberta
Posts: 5,745
Registry
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spanke View Post
You really can't trust atoms. They make up everything!
You do have to keep an ion them.
__________________
2017 Escape 5.0 TA
2015 Ford F150 Lariat 3.5L EcoBoost
2009 Escape 19 (previous)
Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. Abraham Lincoln
Jim Bennett is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2013, 07:39 PM   #12
Moderator
 
Pam Garlow's Avatar
 
Name: Pam
Trailer: U-Haul 1985
Michigan
Posts: 3,335
Registry
funny funny tell more!!
Pam Garlow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2013, 08:09 PM   #13
Senior Member
 
Name: Eric
Trailer: Scamp 13
Michigan
Posts: 256
A little different genre, but I've always chuckled at this story...

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per house hold, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.


Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second -- 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional Reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.


The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional Reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" Reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them -- Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).


600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second crates enormous air resistance -- this would heat up the Reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of Reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the Reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire Reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.


Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.
ericw is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2013, 08:10 PM   #14
Senior Member
 
Spanke's Avatar
 
Name: David
Trailer: 1978 Trillium 1300
Cumberland, Indiana
Posts: 392
Registry
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pam Garlow View Post
funny funny tell more!!
What fish is made out of only two sodium atoms? 2 Na.

Spanke
__________________
Trilliums Rock!
Spanke is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2013, 08:28 PM   #15
Member
 
Name: Alan
Trailer: 1977 Scamp 13'
Minnesota
Posts: 51
When I was younger I heard a joke about hydrogen and sodium, but can I remember it? NaH.
AlanKilian is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2013, 09:28 PM   #16
Senior Member
 
Roger C H's Avatar
 
Name: Roger
Trailer: 2009 Trillium 1300 "Homelet"/2014 Subaru Outback "Rosie"
Washington
Posts: 2,208
Registry
Cool A Relative Limerick

There once was a woman named Miss Bright,
Who could travel much faster than light.
She departed one day,
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.

Archie was a chemist,
A chemist he is no more,
For what he thought was H2O,
Was H2SO4.

There once was a stripper, a pip,
Named Virginia who could peel in a zip,
But she read science fiction,
And died of constriction,
Attempting a Mobius strip.
__________________
A charter member of the Buffalo Plaid Brigade!

Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right.
Roger C H is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2013, 09:45 PM   #17
Senior Member
 
Ice-breaker's Avatar
 
Name: Dave W
Trailer: Escape 19 and Escape 15B
Alberta
Posts: 515
Here is a fairly long one that I always thought was really well done.

Quote:
Is Hell exothermic or endothermic?

Hell from an engineering approach

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington engineering mid term. The answer was so profound that the Professor shared it with colleagues, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you." and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."

This student received the only A.
__________________
Dave W - 2013 Escape 19', 2013 Escape 15B and 2011 Toyota FJ Cruiser

"You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you are going, because you might not get there." - Yogi Berra
Ice-breaker is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2013, 09:47 PM   #18
Senior Member
 
Trailer: 2005 13 ft Scamp / 2004 Honda Odyssey
Posts: 1,021
A Higgs boson walks in to a Catholic Church. The priest says, "Get out! We don't believe in your kind here!"

The Higgs boson replies, "But without me, you can't have Mass!"
Nancy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2013, 11:09 PM   #19
Senior Member
 
Roger C H's Avatar
 
Name: Roger
Trailer: 2009 Trillium 1300 "Homelet"/2014 Subaru Outback "Rosie"
Washington
Posts: 2,208
Registry
Post Icebreaker

Be careful, this is a family blog.

I would edit the action you describe doing with Teresa Banyan to "go on a date."
Attached Images
 
__________________
A charter member of the Buffalo Plaid Brigade!

Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right.
Roger C H is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-06-2013, 05:03 AM   #20
Senior Member
 
Name: Eric
Trailer: Scamp 13
Michigan
Posts: 256
Entropy just isn't want it used to be.
__________________

ericw is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
so this duck walks into a convenience store CharlynnT Jokes, Stories & Tall Tales 8 11-18-2013 12:06 PM
Sway Bar Parker Buckley Towing, Hitching, Axles and Running Gear 17 07-24-2010 12:36 PM
RV rolls over steep cliff as RVer walks dog Ken C Jokes, Stories & Tall Tales 7 10-22-2009 06:00 PM
If a house walks, does that make it an RV? Donna D. General Chat 5 11-23-2008 12:50 PM
Round Bar vs. Trunion Mount Flat Bar WDH ? bobinyelm Problem Solving | Owners Helping Owners 11 07-06-2007 08:43 PM

» Upcoming Events
No events scheduled in
the next 465 days.
» Featured Campgrounds

Reviews provided by


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:16 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions Inc.
×