With all the questions about lighting
in our eggs, I thought it time to repost this article.
Dark Sucker Theory
For years, it has been commonly believed that electric bulbs emit light
but recent theoretical and empirical analysis has proved otherwise. Electric
bulbs don't emit light
; they suck dark. Thus, we call these bulbs Dark Suckers.
The Dark Sucker Theory and the existence of dark suckers prove that dark has
mass and is heavier than light
. The basis of the Dark Sucker Theory is that
electric bulbs suck dark. For example, take the Dark Sucker in the room you
are in. There is much less dark right next to it than there is elsewhere.
The larger the Dark Sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark
Suckers in the parking lot have a much greater capacity to suck dark than
the ones in your room.
As with all things, however, Dark Suckers don't last forever. Once they are
full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the dark spot on a
nearly-full Dark Sucker, and, ultimately, when they fail, the return to darkness.
A candle is a primitive Dark Sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You can
see that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing all the dark
that has been sucked into it. If you put a pencil next to the wick of an
operating candle, it will turn black. This is because it got in the way of the
dark flowing into the candle. One of the disadvantages of these primitive Dark
Suckers is their limited range.
There are also portable Dark Suckers. In these devices, the bulbs can't handle
all the dark by themselves and must be aided by a Dark Storage Unit. When
these Dark Storage Units are full, they must either be emptied or replaced
before the portable Dark Sucker can operate again. Dark Storage Units,
typically, small cylindrical devices, may be emptied by placing them into
a device plugged into any electrical
outlet. Here, all dark stored within is
slowly removed from the unit, rendering them again capable of storing more dark.
This conversion process usually takes a couple of hours.
Dark has mass. When dark goes into a Dark Sucker, friction from the mass
generates heat. Thus, it is not wise to touch an operating Dark Sucker.
Candles present a special problem as the mass must travel into a solid wick
instead of through clear glass. This generates a great amount of heat and
therefore it is not wise to touch an operating candle.
Not surprisingly, dark is heavier than light. If you were to swim just below
the surface of a lake, you would see a lot of light. If you were to slowly
swim deeper and deeper, you would notice it getting darker and darker. When you
get really deep, you would be in total darkness. This is because the heavier
dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter light floats at the top.
This is why it is called light.
Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. To prove this yourself,
stand in a lit room in front of a closed, dark closet, and slowly open the
closet door. You will see the light slowly enter the closet. But since dark
is so fast, you will not be able to see the dark leave the closet.
Next time you see an electric bulb, remember that it is a Dark Sucker.