Things learned from parenting: Experience is hard but sure sticks with one!
1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint
can, to spread paint
on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows
(even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke -- lots of it.
9.) A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old .
11.) Play dough and microwave
should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever and ever!
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22) The spin cycle on the washing machine will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight
24.) 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
25.) 80% of women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
a.) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical.
b.) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
c.) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
d.) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e.) For those who have not yet had children, this is good birth control.