Installing a Husband

[Bigfoot Mike]

Installing a Husband

DEAR TECH SUPPORT,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as: Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

DEAR DESPERATE,
First, keep in mind; Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-in-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.) In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,
Tech Support

[Pamela H]

Installing a Husband

[b]DEAR TECH SUPPORT,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as: Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

[b]DEAR DESPERATE,
First, keep in mind; Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-in-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.) In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,
Tech Support

Also…it seems like Housekeeping 4.7, Cooking, 3.2 and Job Performance 7.2 appear to have uninstalled when upgrading to Husband 1.0!! HELP!!!

[Paul from NWOnt]

Girlfriend 6.0 vs. Wife 1.0
Comparative Trial

Last year a friend of mine upgraded from GirlFriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources available for other applications. He is now noticing that Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.

Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization, where it can monitor all other system activity. He's finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before). During installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.

Some features he'd like to see in the upcoming wife 2.0.

1. a "Don't remind me again" button
2. a Minimize button
3. An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 be installed with the option to uninstall at any time without the loss of cache and other system resources
4. An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the system's hardware probe feature to be much more useful.

I myself decided to avoid the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 7.0. Even here, however, I found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 7.0 on top of Girlfriend 6.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 6.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug that I should have known about. Apparently the versions of Girlfriend have conficts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, The uninstall program for Girlfriend 6.0 doesn't work very well leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. Another thing -- all versions of Girlfriend continually popup little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0.
Bug Warning

Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.

Bug work-arounds: To avoid this bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications such as Laplink 6.0. Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0. Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.1 via a UseNet provider under an anonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses which can accidently be downloaded from the UseNet.
Tech Support Suggestions

These are very common problem men complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a Utilities & Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is indeed an operating system and designed by its creator to run everything.

It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 6.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 6.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 6.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.

Some have tried to install Girlfriend 7.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under "Warnings - Alimony/Child support". I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and deal with the situation.

I suggest installing background application program C:\YES DEAR to alleviate software augmentation. Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. In any case avoid excessive use of C:\YES DEAR because ultimately you may have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high-maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 3.1 and Diamonds 2K. Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of Luck,
Tech Support

[CharlynnT]

Hi,

I'm a Mac.

Life is good, everything works. Work is good.

Join the 5% who like it, or stay with the 95% who prefer to complain.

Ooh yeah.

[Alf S.]

Hi: Paul from NWOnt. I can't seem to get any of this to run on my "Commodore 286"???
Alf S. North shore of Lake Erie

[james kent]

Paul from NW Ont
I have a further caution....
After installing the full maintenance programme Wife 1.0, I have found that it has taken over Accounting 1.2 and always renders my balance to "0".
Also after trying to test run "Secretary 35.24.35", it caused the system to immediatly crash and then brought up "Lawyer 3.0". I would therefore strongly suggest that you don't try this as it causes much anguish and possibly the necessity to install another programme called "Doghouse 4U" which "Wife 1.0 will thereafter utilize at ANY oppertunity.....

[Paul from NWOnt]

Hi: Paul from NWOnt. I can't seem to get any of this to run on my "Commodore 286"???
Alf S. North shore of Lake Erie

You lucky, lucky fellow. That'll serve us all right for trying to upgrade.

[Paul from NWOnt]

Paul from NW Ont
I have a further caution....
After installing the full maintenance programme Wife 1.0, I have found that it has taken over Accounting 1.2 and always renders my balance to "0".
Also after trying to test run "Secretary 35.24.35", it caused the system to immediatly crash and then brought up "Lawyer 3.0". I would therefore strongly suggest that you don't try this as it causes much anguish and possibly the necessity to install another programme called "Doghouse 4U" which "Wife 1.0 will thereafter utilize at ANY oppertunity.....

I've heard that all versions of lawyer are extremely resource dependant, and have been trying to avoid the install by applying constant patches to wife 1.0. Compliment's 4.3, and dinner 2.2.4 have also seemed to help. I also installed a little helper application called reminder 1.1 to keep important dates in order.

I've also had a few friends try installing wife 2.0 as a replacement, but realized only too late that perhaps 2.0 isn't really an upgrade either.

[Frederick L. Simson]

Wife 1.0 is indeed an [b]operating system and designed by its creator to run everything.
Best of Luck,
Tech Support

Wife 2.0 is neither a replacement nor an upgrade, especially if it is new-out-of-the-box. There are anecdotal reports that wife 2.0 runs smoother if it was "pre-owned".

Wife 1.0 never completely uninstalls; especially if connected to children router 1.0 and above before running uninstall.

[Pamela H]

you know...this was originally about installing a husband...interesting how it has switched to installing a wife? Perhaps this is because Husband 1.0 has taken over and is trying to override existing installed software? Thus proving the point that Husband 1.0, is perhaps not an operating system at all, but instead a virus?

and now, we

Pam

[Paul from NWOnt]

you know...this was originally about installing a husband...interesting how it has switched to installing a wife? Perhaps this is because Husband 1.0 has taken over and is trying to override existing installed software? Thus proving the point that Husband 1.0, is perhaps not an operating system at all, but instead a virus?

and now, we

Pam

I think it has more to do with the fact that Husband 1.0 is a relatively simple application, whilst any version of the Wife OS is an extremely complex series of cyclical processes that we just can't seem to get a handle on..... and likely never will.

[Roy in TO]

Could not get the Wife OS to install on my merry Kay Pro either.

[james kent]

Hi Pamela
All this proves just how powerful a programme Wife 1.0 is and how insignificant husband 1.0 then becomes.
BTW have you guys out there ever noticed that Batchelor 1X1 just keeps quietly working away without any outside support.