Laws of the Natural Universe

[Donna D.]

Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability:
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone:
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theatre
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Rugs/Carpets
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Location
No matter where you go, there you are.

Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Oliver's Law
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

[Byron Kinnaman]

Dropped Tool Law.
Any tool that dropped will land is such a manner to do the most damage to the tool or the foor.

Survival Law.
The quickest way be found when lost in the wilderness is to take your clothes off. There's instantly be a scout troup or 2 looking at you and giggling.

[Miriam]

Miriam's Law of Interior Decorating: The uglier it is, the longer it lasts. (If it's in avocado green, harvest gold, burnt orange, or that brown color from the 70's, it will NEVER wear out.)

[Frederick L. Simson]

Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Frederick's Amendment:
Nothing is impossible for the Salesman who doesn't actually have to install the product.

[Bill Abbay]

(Donna, I love those.)


Bill's Addenda:

After pulling off the road to let faster traffic pass, you will encounter a passing lane within 1/2 mile.

The chance of receiving a wrong number on your cell phone is inversely proportional to the number of minutes in your contract.

People take longer to answer loud, lengthy, and obnoxious cell ringtones than the other kind.

[Andrew Gibbens]

Irish Law of Gravity:

If dropped toast falls butter-side up (happens sometimes), you buttered the wrong side of the toast.

Andrew

[CharlynnT]

Miriam's Law of Interior Decorating: The uglier it is, the longer it lasts. (If it's in avocado green, harvest gold, burnt orange, or that brown color from the 70's, it will NEVER wear out.)

Miriam, I agee with you. Embrace the plaid.
Plus, I would like to sign up for that time travel workshop, or did, or will.

[Cam A]

This is a serious topic, with which I have been wrestling of late. I realize that this results from the second law of thermodynamics, which states: "in all energy exchanges, if no energy enters or leaves the system, the potential energy of the state will always be less than that of the initial state." Or, entropy increases. Or, the more organized the system, the more likely it is that something will go wrong. However, my pet peeve is the personification of this law, that #$*!! Murphy - who seems to reside in my boat shop. My challenge is not to take his frequent visits personally

[Gina D.]

Or, the more organized the system, the more likely it is that something will go wrong.

Precisely.

Thats why everything I own is in a heap.

[Time K]

Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

This also applies to food that falls to the floor and UNDER the kick plate

[Renee K.]

Survival Law.
The quickest way be found when lost in the wilderness is to take your clothes off. There's instantly be a scout troup or 2 looking at you and giggling.

One more to not get lost: Always carry a deck of playing cards. When and if unsure of where you are, begin playing a bit of solitair. A kibutzer or two will arrive over your shoulder very shortly!

[Per Walthinsen]

Would that mean you are in the Negev desert?