My Favorite Doctor

[Roger C H]

<span style="font-size:12pt;line-height:100%">It's so good to read the truth at last - I love this Doctor!</span>

<span style="font-family:Times New Roman">Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?</span>

<span style="font-family:Times New Roman">A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.</span>

<span style="font-family:Times New Roman">Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?</span>

<span style="font-family:Times New Roman">A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).. And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.</span>

<span style="font-family:Times New Roman">Q:Should I reduce my alcohol intake?</span>

<span style="font-family:Times New Roman">A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit.</span>

<span style="font-family:Times New Roman">Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!</span>

<span style="font-family:Times New Roman">Q:How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?</span>

<span style="font-family:Times New Roman">A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies your ratio is two to one, etc.</span>

<span style="font-family:Times New Roman">Q:What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?</span>

<span style="font-family:Times New Roman">A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain.....good!</span>

<span style="font-family:Times New Roman">Q:Aren't fried foods bad for you?</span>

<span style="font-family:Times New Roman">A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! - Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?</span>

<span style="font-family:Times New Roman">Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?</span>

<span style="font-family:Times New Roman">A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.</span>

<span style="font-family:Times New Roman">Q: Is chocolate bad for me?</span>

<span style="font-family:Times New Roman">A: Are you crazy? HELLO - Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!</span>

<span style="font-family:Times New Roman">Q: Is swimming good for your figure?</span>

<span style="font-family:Times New Roman">A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.</span>

<span style="font-family:Times New Roman">Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?</span>

<span style="font-family:Times New Roman">A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!</span>

<span style="font-family:Times New Roman">Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember: 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride' AND......For those of you who watch what you eat , here's the final word on nutrition and health.. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.</span>

<span style="font-family:Times New Roman">1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.</span>

<span style="font-family:Times New Roman">2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.</span>

<span style="font-family:Times New Roman">3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.</span>

<span style="font-family:Times New Roman">4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.</span>

<span style="font-family:Times New Roman">5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.</span>

<span style="font-family:Times New Roman">CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.</span>

[SherryNPaul]

Oh, I have a wonderful, smart doctor, but I'd like to meet yours.
Merci, mange takk, muchas gracias, grazi...

I guess I'll have to buy a new dictionary to get really healthy!

Thanks for the fun post!