PLEASE, don't let the cat outta the bag.... - Fiberglass RV
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Old 07-14-2010, 06:55 PM   #1
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Doug Mager's Avatar
Trailer: 1975 13 ft Trillium
Posts: 2,535
Clutching their Kohl's shopping bags, Ellen and Kay woefully gazed down
at a dead cat in the mall parking lot. Obviously a recent flies,
no smell.. What business could that poor kitty have had here?' murmured

'Come on, Ellen, let's just go...'
But Ellen had already grabbed her shopping bag and was explaining, 'I'll
just put my things in your bag, and then I'll use this tissue....'

She dumped her purchases into Kay's bag and then used the tissue paper
to cradle and lower the former feline into her own Kohl's bag and cover

They continued the short trek to the car in silence, stashing their
goods in the trunk. But it occurred to both of them that if they left
Ellen's burial bag in the trunk, warmed by the Texas sunshine while they
ate, Kay's Lumina would soon lose that new-car smell.

They decided to leave the bag on top of the trunk, and they headed over
to K & W Cafeteria. They went through the serving line and sat down at a
window table. They had a view of Kay's Chevy with the Kohl's bag still
on the trunk. BUT not for long! As they ate, they noticed a big woman in
a red gingham shirt stroll by their car.. She looked quickly this way
and that, and then took the Kohl's bag without breaking stride. She
quickly walked out of their line of vision. Kay and Ellen shot each
other a wide-eyed look of amazement.
It all happened so fast that neither of them could think how to
respond. 'Can you imagine?' finally sputtered Ellen.. 'The nerve of that
woman!' Kay sympathized with Ellen, but inwardly a laugh was building as
she thought about the grand surprise awaiting the female thief.

Just when she thought she'd have to giggle into her napkin, she noticed
Ellen's eyes freeze in the direction of the serving line. Following her
gaze, Kay recognized the big woman in the red gingham shirt with the
Kohl's bag hanging from her arm. She was brazenly pushing her tray
toward the cashier.
Helplessly they watched the scene unfold:
After leaving the register, the woman settled at a table across from
theirs, put the bag on an empty chair and began to eat.

After a few bites of baked whitefish and green beans, she casually
lifted the bag into her lap to survey her treasure. Looking from side to
side, but not far enough to notice her rapt audience three tables over,
she pulled out the tissue paper and peered into the bag.
Her eyes widened, and she began to make a sort of gasping noise. The
noise grew. The bag slid from her lap as she sank to the floor, wheezing
and clutching her upper chest. The beverage cart attendant quickly
recognized a customer in trouble and sent the busboy to call 911, while
she administered the Heimlich maneuver. A crowd quickly gathered that
did not include Ellen and Kay, who remained riveted to their chairs for
seven whole minutes until the ambulance arrived. In a matter of minutes,
the big woman with the red gingham shirt emerged, still gasping, and
securely strapped on a gurney. Two well-trained EMT volunteers steered
her to the waiting ambulance, while a third scooped up her belongings.
The last they saw of the distressed cat-burglar was as she disappeared
behind the ambulance doors................the Kohl's Bag perched on her

God does take care of those who do bad things! AND once in a while...He
allows us to witness!

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Old 07-18-2010, 01:57 AM   #2
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Name: Roger
Trailer: 2009 Trillium 1300 "Homelet"/2014 Subaru Outback "Rosie"
Posts: 2,215

A good story. I thought it was going to be her cat. Too bad a cat had to die just for a story...
A charter member of the Buffalo Plaid Brigade!

Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right.
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