Ponderisms

[Roy Bakehorn]

1· I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

2· There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.


3· Life is sexually transmitted.



4· Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.



5· The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.



6· Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.



7· Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

8· Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

9· All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.



10· In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.



11· How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

12· Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?'



13· If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

14· Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

16· If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

17· Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

18· Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

19· Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?


20. Again, who was the first person to look at a chicken and say "I think I'll eat whatever comes out of it's butt.

[Cyndi B.]

#20 makes you think.

[J.S.Lahm]

I love them!! Thank you SO much....The ponderisms are printed and will be shared.

[BCDave]

Why are there Interstate Highways in Hawaii?

Here in Canada, we refer to Native Indians as "Aboriginal peoples". Hmmm......

If ABnormal is the opposite of Normal, then ABoriginal people are??????

[AndyGee]

Why is it that you park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?

Is it in poor taste to give a one armed man a 17 function digital watch?

What would chairs look like if our knees bent the other way?

[Roger C H]

If Con is the opposite of Pro, what is the opposite of progress?

Why does everyone want to go to Heaven, just not now?

[BCDave]

Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use
the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with
the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with
their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it,
then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the
end you first try?

How do those dead bugs get into closed light fixtures?

Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept
drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle
with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we
say 'Its all right'? It isn't all right, so why don't we say,
'That hurt, you moron'?

Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and
a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?

In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it
was in summer when we complained about the heat?

Why are the needy only thought of during the holidays?
Aren't they just as needy throughout the rest of the year?

How come we never hear any father-in-law jokes?

Do Chinese people get hungry an hour after they eat American
food?

Shouldn't all married men forget their mistakes? After all
there's no sense in two people remembering the same things.