Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they
aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town
prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly,
elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones,
do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr.
Williams I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly,
you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your
wife, you manipulate people and talk about them beh! ind their backs.
You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you
never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I
know you." The lawyer was stunned!
Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked,
"Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since
He was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking
problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his
law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention
he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was
your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors
to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of
you asks her if she knows me, I'll jail your sorry asses for contempt."