Two polar explorers paddling their kayak felt chilled. When they lit a fire in their boat it burned and sank, proving once and for all you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One moved to Hollywood and became a successful and wealthy agent. The other remained at home and never amounted to much. This second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
And, my personal favorite...
A three-legged dog walked into an Old West saloon. He slides up to the bar and announces, "I'm looking for the hombre that shot my paw."