More wife vs dog jokes
How do you tell if you are loved more by your wife, or your dog?
Lock them both in the trunk of the car for half an hour, and when you open it up, which one is happier to see you?
If your dog is barking at the back door to get in, and your wife is barking at the front door to get in, which one should you let in first?
The dog. At least it will stop barking at you.